( OH COOL !)
HOW TO STOP
ATTRACTING EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILBLE PEOPLE
DR JOHN DEMARTINI
Dr John Demartini shares his tips to help you attract the right person .
ere are some of the reasons Dr
H Demartini believes some of us
commit to partners who are emtionally unavailable .
1 . Not healing from a past relationship
If you ’ re still hurting from a past relationship , you ’ re holding onto a fantasy in your head of what that person or relationship was – romanticising the good and not acknowledging the parts of the relationship that led to its demise .
If you ’ ve not truly moved on – whether you realise it or not – you ’ ll attract people who aren ’ t emotionally available , as you ’ re not truly ready to commit yourself .
2 . Repeating the cycle
Sometimes people choose the wrong partners because of their past . Perhaps your parents divorced or weren ’ t emotionally available when you were growing up . You may have subconsciously carried this perception of how things are and should be , into your adult life . Mastering your destiny begins with acknowledging that you have the power to create your life as you choose .
Believing in your own self-worth and accepting responsibility for the life you have created takes work , but doing so will free you from the belief that you are a product of your situation and have no control over how things are .
The lowest state of human awareness is the ‘ victim mentality ’, filled with disassociated perceptions and blame . The highest state of awareness is where you realise your perceptions are the true causes and your reactions are the true effects of your life ( i . e . you are the cause of your own effect ).
3 . A long-term relationship isn ’ t what you actually want
Some people don ’ t realise they ’ ve chosen someone emotionally unavailable because deep down they don ’ t actually want a relationship .
It is possible that you ’ ve bought into the societal expectation that you should be settled and starting a family by a certain age . You may even have convinced yourself that this is what you want , despite your actions and choices that scream otherwise . The truth is , a white picket fence and a nuclear family isn ’ t for everyone , and nor should it be .
4 . Fantasy dwelling
Whenever you have a fantasy about how you think your life should be instead of being grateful for how it is , you split yourself in two . The fantasy appears to be more positive than negative and – as a result – you compare your reality to it . You then become sad and depressed whenever you perceive that your life doesn ’ t match the unrealistic ideal in your mind .
24 JUNE 2016 ( OH ! MAGAZINE )