OH! Magazine - Australian Version January 2016 | Page 21

`

WOULD YOU
DATE YOURSELF?

MIKE
CAMPBELL

http://unleashyouralpha.com

( Men’s Health )

Mike Campbell explores the importance of understanding one’s self
before being able to attract the ideal partner.
he sad reality is, many of us men
wouldn’t know how to answer the
question of ‘would I date myself?’ because
we’re too focussed on what we’re looking
for in others.Too often we get wrapped up
in looking for the best person, rather than
being the best person. Instead, we must
stop thinking about their personality, body
shape, hair colour, or career (please tell
me you don’t judge on career)… and start
thinking about YOU.

T

Ask yourself: what makes you happy, how
you can be better and how you can be the
kind of person who provokes respect and
desirability in yourself first, then others
second. Changing tack can be hard;
however, doing so will improve (all) other
areas of your life, and create the
opportunity for someone to come along
who resonates with this best version of
you. This is far more than becoming more
desirable, and really about becoming clear
on who you are and what is most important
to you. Once you have clarity around this,
not only will you be a man of purpose and
direction, but you’ll know what you truly
want in a partner, opening the door for this
person to walk into your life.
Who are you?
As a man coach, I can confidently say
there is one incredibly important question
most men have never even contemplated,
let alone can answer with genuine clarity
and depth. That is, ‘Who am I?’ Many of
us live life with the blinkers on, heads
buried in the sand, chasing things that we
haven’t consciously thought out. Our
energy often goes into work and seeking
security, while juggling social lives and

trying to fit in a partner. That’s not to say
we should become vagabonds and spend
our days searching for enlightenment, just
that we must address what our own life is
about. So, ask yourself: what are your
strengths and weaknesses; your personality
traits; your quirks, passions, consistent
behaviours, fears and values? What makes
you you?
There’s so much vital information here for
you to consider. This will provide you with
the blueprint for how to live your life, what
makes you happy, what gives you purpose,
and what to do more of. You’ll need to be
a little selfish to prioritise working on
yourself. Dive head first into the mental
stuff to figure out your biggest drivers; the
WHY that provides the motivation behind
what is most important to you.
Enter: your level of ‘Masculine Attraction’
Far beyond the physical, true masculine
attraction lies in a man’s ability to arouse
respect and admiration within himself and
others, through his words, actions and
presence, regardless of the situation. As
men, the drive to be respected and desired
is rooted in a need to be validated. There
is nothing wrong with this, as long as it
first comes from within; genuine selfrespect can then lead to being respected
and desired/admired by others.
All the work we may be doing on ourselves
(be it at the gym or otherwise) will boil
down to these deep desires, which can
give context and genuine foundation for
any physical goals. It also means we can
become truly happy in our own skin,
subsequently, opening the door to find

happiness with someone else. The key is
to start within, so consider these
fundamental factors:
1. Core values: Have a think about what
values are most important to you. This will
provide a compass from which to live your
own life to ensure happiness (and help
ensure your goals are meaningful). It will
also give you the foundation for what to
look for in a partner. Remember, sharing
common values with someone trumps
‘having things in common’ any day.
2. The mirror challenge: Take a look in the
mirror (both literally and metaphorically).
Look at your body. What words come to
mind? Note down and question the
negative ones. If it’s physical, ask yourself
‘Why do I think that?’ then ‘What will
make me respect my body?’ If you need to
do physical work it can now have meaning
based on your values and true desires.
Next, assess who you are as a person and
what needs work. Maybe you need to be
more attentive, more empathetic? If so,
work on these skills. Ask yourself ‘Am I
happy?’ and ‘What will bring me true
happiness?’ Start ensuring you work
towards achieving this.
3. Plan and execute: Create a plan to reach
your best self, ensuring that it sees you
living out your values. Then, consistently
work towards it.
The key is to look within, work out who you
are and how to become your best. This will
create genuine levels of ‘Masculine
Attraction’ in you, which will help you live
with direction and purpose, opening the
door for the right person to appear.

( OH! MAGAZINE ) JANUARY 2016

21