OH! Magazine - Australian Version January 2016 - Page 21

` WOULD YOU DATE YOURSELF? MIKE CAMPBELL http://unleashyouralpha.com ( Men’s Health ) Mike Campbell explores the importance of understanding one’s self before being able to attract the ideal partner. he sad reality is, many of us men wouldn’t know how to answer the question of ‘would I date myself?’ because we’re too focussed on what we’re looking for in others.Too often we get wrapped up in looking for the best person, rather than being the best person. Instead, we must stop thinking about their personality, body shape, hair colour, or career (please tell me you don’t judge on career)… and start thinking about YOU. T Ask yourself: what makes you happy, how you can be better and how you can be the kind of person who provokes respect and desirability in yourself first, then others second. Changing tack can be hard; however, doing so will improve (all) other areas of your life, and create the opportunity for someone to come along who resonates with this best version of you. This is far more than becoming more desirable, and really about becoming clear on who you are and what is most important to you. Once you have clarity around this, not only will you be a man of purpose and direction, but you’ll know what you truly want in a partner, opening the door for this person to walk into your life. Who are you? As a man coach, I can confidently say there is one incredibly important question most men have never even contemplated, let alone can answer with genuine clarity and depth. That is, ‘Who am I?’ Many of us live life with the blinkers on, heads buried in the sand, chasing things that we haven’t consciously thought out. Our energy often goes into work and seeking security, while juggling social lives and trying to fit in a partner. That’s not to say we should become vagabonds and spend our days searching for enlightenment, just that we must address what our own life is about. So, ask yourself: what are your strengths and weaknesses; your personality traits; your quirks, passions, consistent behaviours, fears and values? What makes you you? There’s so much vital information here for you to consider. This will provide you with the blueprint for how to live your life, what makes you happy, what gives you purpose, and what to do more of. You’ll need to be a little selfish to prioritise working on yourself. Dive head first into the mental stuff to figure out your biggest drivers; the WHY that provides the motivation behind what is most important to you. Enter: your level of ‘Masculine Attraction’ Far beyond the physical, true masculine attraction lies in a man’s ability to arouse respect and admiration within himself and others, through his words, actions and presence, regardless of the situation. As men, the drive to be respected and desired is rooted in a need to be validated. There is nothing wrong with this, as long as it first comes from within; genuine selfrespect can then lead to being respected and desired/admired by others. All the work we may be doing on ourselves (be it at the gym or otherwise) will boil down to these deep desires, which can give context and genuine foundation for any physical goals. It also means we can become truly happy in our own skin, subsequently, opening the door to find happiness with someone else. The key is to start within, so consider these fundamental factors: 1. Core values: Have a think about what values are most important to you. This will provide a compass from which to live your own life to ensure happiness (and help ensure your goals are meaningful). It will also give you the foundation for what to look for in a partner. Remember, sharing common values with someone trumps ‘having things in common’ any day. 2. The mirror challenge: Take a look in the mirror (both literally and metaphorically). Look at your body. What words come to mind? Note down and question the negative ones. If it’s physical, ask yourself ‘Why do I think that?’ then ‘What will make me respect my body?’ If you need to do physical work it can now have meaning based on your values and true desires. Next, assess who you are as a person and what needs work. Maybe you need to be more attentive, more empathetic? If so, work on these skills. Ask yourself ‘Am I happy?’ and ‘What will bring me true happiness?’ Start ensuring you work towards achieving this. 3. Plan and execute: Create a plan to reach your best self, ensuring that it sees you living out your values. Then, consistently work towards it. The key is to look within, work out who you are and how to become your best. This will create genuine levels of ‘Masculine Attraction’ in you, which will help you live with direction and purpose, opening the door for the right person to appear. ( OH! MAGAZINE ) JANUARY 2016 21