OH! Magazine - Australian Version August 2015 - Page 11
STOP SAYING ‘YES’ WHEN
( Emotional Fitness )
YOU REALLY MEAN ‘NO’
Heidi Di Santo helps you embrace the power of saying ‘no’.
s a child, I was taught to conform
and say ‘yes’ even when I really
wanted to say ‘no’. As a result, my adult
voice was silenced, so I rarely stood up for
myself. I tended to put other peoples’ needs
ahead of my own, which eventually took a
toll on my physical and emotional health.
the same in your external life. When you
start to take control of your life, you will
feel and become more powerful.
The truth is, you are important and you
need to start putting your needs first.
2. Start feeling your emotions
Thankfully, I’ve done a lot of work since then
and today I am able to speak my truth in a
respectful manner and stand up for myself.
I know there are a lot of people who, like
me, say ‘yes’ when they really want to say
‘no’. If you’re one of these people you can
put a stop to this detrimental pattern.
Here are my three tips to help.
1. Realise you are important
You are made up of many different parts
and when a part of you says ‘yes’ when
another part of you wants to say ‘no’, you’re
actually bullying yourself – which is not a
kind or loving thing to do. The other thing
that happens is that you create unnecessary
internal stress because of the conflicting
The mo st important relationship you have
is the one you have with yourself, because
this sets the foundation for every external
relationship in your life.
Many people feel guilty when they put
their own needs first because they judge
this as a selfish action, which perpetuates
the saying ‘yes’ when you would prefer to
say ‘no’ scenario. But typically, underneath
the guilt you’ll find suppressed emotions
such as anger, sadness and fear.
leaves you feeling powerless as a result. I
call this your ‘traumatised part’. The
clinical term for it in a new form of therapy
called Resource Therapy is a ‘vaded’ part,
because its boundaries have been
‘invaded’. The good news is that you can
set this part free and repair the boundary.
If you want to learn more, have a read of
my book I Should Be Happy But I’m Not or
sign up to my FREE three-part video
training series on emotional fitness at
As I’ve said before, we
society of nonfeelers (although
When you relearn
to feel and acknowledge
your emotions, you’ll be able to process
them and become empowered to choose
and articulate what is right for you (as
opposed to doing what you think you
3. Get help for your traumatised parts
If you bully yourself internally, there is a
high likelihood that you don’t stand up for
yourself when you are treated poorly
The good news is, when you get your
internal world in order you start to expect
If you feel trapped in a pattern of
compromising your needs for the sake of
others, the good news is, you can change
it. When something has happened in your
past, part of you can become stuck, which
( OH! MAGAZINE ) AUGUST 2015