OH! Magazine - Australian Version August 2015 - Page 11

HEIDI DI SANTO STOP SAYING ‘YES’ WHEN www.heidi.com.au ( Emotional Fitness ) YOU REALLY MEAN ‘NO’ Heidi Di Santo helps you embrace the power of saying ‘no’. s a child, I was taught to conform and say ‘yes’ even when I really wanted to say ‘no’. As a result, my adult voice was silenced, so I rarely stood up for myself. I tended to put other peoples’ needs ahead of my own, which eventually took a toll on my physical and emotional health. A the same in your external life. When you start to take control of your life, you will feel and become more powerful. The truth is, you are important and you need to start putting your needs first. 2. Start feeling your emotions Thankfully, I’ve done a lot of work since then and today I am able to speak my truth in a respectful manner and stand up for myself. I know there are a lot of people who, like me, say ‘yes’ when they really want to say ‘no’. If you’re one of these people you can put a stop to this detrimental pattern. Here are my three tips to help. 1. Realise you are important You are made up of many different parts and when a part of you says ‘yes’ when another part of you wants to say ‘no’, you’re actually bullying yourself – which is not a kind or loving thing to do. The other thing that happens is that you create unnecessary internal stress because of the conflicting parts within. The mo st important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself, because this sets the foundation for every external relationship in your life. Many people feel guilty when they put their own needs first because they judge this as a selfish action, which perpetuates the saying ‘yes’ when you would prefer to say ‘no’ scenario. But typically, underneath the guilt you’ll find suppressed emotions such as anger, sadness and fear. leaves you feeling powerless as a result. I call this your ‘traumatised part’. The clinical term for it in a new form of therapy called Resource Therapy is a ‘vaded’ part, because its boundaries have been ‘invaded’. The good news is that you can set this part free and repair the boundary. If you want to learn more, have a read of my book I Should Be Happy But I’m Not or sign up to my FREE three-part video training series on emotional fitness at http://heidi.com.au As I’ve said before, we have become a society of nonfeelers (although most people aren’t even aware they are doing it). When you relearn to feel and acknowledge your emotions, you’ll be able to process them and become empowered to choose and articulate what is right for you (as opposed to doing what you think you should do). 3. Get help for your traumatised parts If you bully yourself internally, there is a high likelihood that you don’t stand up for yourself when you are treated poorly externally. The good news is, when you get your internal world in order you start to expect If you feel trapped in a pattern of compromising your needs for the sake of others, the good news is, you can change it. When something has happened in your past, part of you can become stuck, which ( OH! MAGAZINE ) AUGUST 2015 11