( Men ’ s Health )
FEEL THE FEELS
Mike Campbell shares the wisdom procured from a good ole chat with his good oledad !
recently received a call from a
I man whom I love dearly . This man
asked a question of me which brought an answer up that he didn ’ t want to hear . He was disappointed and then proceeded to tell me he felt this way . I told him that I respect how he feels and thanked him for sharing his thoughts . I then said I hope he can understand and respect my decision . Whether that last part occurs or not , is to yet to be seen ; however , either way , it ’ s none of my business because it ’ s now up to him to deal with and give the meaning to my action , that he chooses .
The man at the other end of the phone was my father , and the fact that he called with a pre-conceived idea about the answer he would receive , coupled with the fact that he actually told me how my decision made him feel , is an enormous accompishment for us and our relationship . This is because , in the past , dad and I would typically have chosen to keep our feelings inside . Historically , we ’ d say something to fill in space , like ‘ Oh okay , well that ’ s your decision I suppose ’ ( i . e ., a copout and avoidance ).
Now sure , this chat of ours wasn ’ t the most eloquent , concise or smooth conversation – but we had it ! And even though it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable , I absolutely loved it ! The reason for this is because often , as men , we can leave so many words unsaid and emotions unacknowledged , but where does that get us in the long term ? Resentment ? Shame ? Anger ?
I didn ’ t judge my dad when he shared his feelings with me . Instead , I listened , I acknowledged his feelings , and communicated as honestly as I could about my own .
So often , we stop ourselves from speaking our truth , and sharing what we ’ re actually feeling . I use the word ‘ feeling ’ purposefully here , instead of ‘ thinking ’ because this is where we often play . Typically , us blokes are guilty of overthinking things and losing sight – or never even having awareness – of what we ’ re experiencing in our body during emotional times . The thing is , all of your experiences in life will have some sort of emotional response in your body . And remember , if you don ’ t notice your feelings , or understand and allow yourself to identify your feelings and emotions when they occur , then they will stay in your body and eventually manifest themselves into physical symptoms ( so you have no choice but to acknowledge them !).
So many men have become very good at disconnecting from their feelings . The thing is , these repressed feelings will come out in some way if you don ’ t let them go full cycle ; be it flying off the handle at a totally inappropriate time , or sinking into a deep isolated emotional place , or exhibiting angry behaviour even though it ’ s actually a different emotion ( e . g ., shame or guilt ) that you ’ re feeling .
It might seem like a stretch – because we ’ re often so analytical – but those emotions that you don ’ t deal with adequately , will have a huge impact on your health and wellbeing in the future .
There is alot of research illustrating the link between repressed emotions and compromised immune function . To give you a basic understanding though , when you keep your feelings inside , you are actually adding to your stress . This is because it is being stored somewhere in your body . A heightened state of stress will
MIKE CAMPBELL
YOU CAN CONTACT MIKE VIA : Web : mikecampbell . com . au Facebook : mikecampbellmancoach Twitter : @ mikecampbellmc Instagram : @ mikecampbellmc
compromise any bodily function that isn ’ t needed in that very moment of dealing with the stress , which means the impact will show itself in the longer term , and typically on your broader health ( i . e ., your immune system ).
When you spend most of your time in this place , with unprocessed emotions – as many of us men do – you continually add fuel to the fires that your body is trying to deal with .
So , what ’ s the solution ?
Start having the tough conversations . Start sharing what you ’ re feeling – first with yourself ( I recommend keeping a daily journal of how you ’ re feeling mentally , emotionally and physically ), and then with others .
Make sure to take ownership of your feelings too . For example , in an interaction with someone be aware to say things like ‘ When you do “ X ” I feel “ Y ”, as opposed to ‘ You make me feel “ X ”.’ Can you see the difference ? One points the finger at someone else , while the other takes responsibility and ownership .
Then – and this is extremely important – give yourself permission to suck at it , to ask for support as you navigate your way through it , and just persist , persist , persist !
In the end , action matters more than thinking it to perfection . If you need to reach out for support , then feel free to start with me : mike @ mikecampbell . com . au
12 OH ! MAGAZINE ( APRIL 2017 )