OH! Magazine - Australian Version April 2016 - Page 20

TOP TIPS TO HEIDI DI SANTO RESOLVING PROBLEMS www.heidi.com.au ( Emotional Fitness ) Emotional fitness expert Heidi Di Santo shares her advice to help you resolve your problems. ife doesn’t always go to plan. Things do go wrong and in this article I want to share with you the most effective way to achieve a resolution when you’re confronted with a problematic situation. L If you confront a person with blame or anger, their automatic reaction is to become defensive. They’ll put up their guard as protection against you and your emotional outburst; and rather than hearing you and helping you, they do the exact opposite – they close down and may even retaliate with more anger. Approaching a problem with anger and judgment is like throwing fuel on a fire; it just increases the chance of conflict and minimises the possibility of you both gaining a mutually-satisfying resolution for the issue. So when you have a problem, what’s the best way to sort things out? In my opinion, it’s all comes down to communication versus altercation. Most people want to be helpful and the best way to illicit this help is to state the facts, without blame, accusation or emotion, just like a policeman would when writing a statement. Doing this automatically improves your chances of being helped because it opens the lines of communication. It creates the best circumstances to get a resolution. For example, when returning a pair of shoes, there’s a big difference between saying ‘the sole has come off this shoe’ (which purely states the facts) and 20 APRIL 2016 ( OH! MAGAZINE ) ‘your company is the worst – you sold me dodgy shoes’ (which is full of judgement, blame and accusation). At this point in time, you may be thinking ‘that’s easier said than done’ or ‘How do I lay down the facts and keep my cool (because I’m too angry or upset to do this)?’ This is why I’m so passionate about my work. I help people to take control of their inner world which, ironically, can mean allowing yourself to accept, feel and process all of your emotions. This enables you to come to a point of peace within so you can tackle things externally with an even emotional keel. Many people push their emotions away. They say ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way’ or ‘it’s not good to be so angry or upset or scared’ and they attempt to suppress their natural emotions. But this creates stress within you because you’re forced to deny what’s actually going on inside. This is when life becomes hard because you need to wear your mask and pretend. Emotions want to be felt, not suppressed. Anger is not bad, it’s energy to stand up for yourself. It tells you that your boundaries have been crossed and provides the necessary energy to take action. The problem with anger is that most people have only seen the ‘aggressive’ side of anger (as opposed to the ‘assertive’ side of anger). The aggressive side of anger comes out when you suppress and deny anger. You force it down and try to keep a lid on it. But eventually the anger will surface and it’s often the people you love the most who are on the receiving end of your explosion. You take your anger out on them and they become the victims of your suppression. If this happens, you can often feel ashamed or guilty as a result of your outburst. Whatever your problem, by honouring and feeling your emotions in the moment or soon after, you prevent the external situation from disturbing your inner peace in the long term. You’re able to ‘feel your stuff and move on’. You don’t dwell on things. You’re able to accept that life doesn’t always go according to plan, enabling you to let things go and move forwards. You become powerful emotionally and you’re able to resolve issues because you can state the facts and communicate openly and effectively. For more information about taking control of your inner worl Z