two sisters, or a husband and wife, or friends, whatever hasn't been dealt with in their relationship presents itself, usually in the first five minutes. Working with the horse can also help each person in the relationship to recognise and claim their own role in whatever dynamic exists between them. If there's disagreement or conflict, we've been taught to direct the blame at others. 'If only he would understand.' 'If only she didn't always react like this.' 'How can I be happy when you're driving me crazy?' That's our favourite – claiming that other people are driving us crazy. The truth is, you were crazy before you met them. What's crazy is going around believing that what other people say and do should have the power to control the quality of our day. But there's a payoff in being focused on other people and expecting them to tell us who we are: we can go a long time without really having to face ourselves. But in the Equine Experience, even though the people may be paired up to work with a horse, each one of them is having his or her own experience, and whether they believe it or not, each person is 100% responsible for 50% of every relationship she or he chooses to be in.
What to do if you're not at Miraval
Remember, the horse is just a metaphor. You don't really need him because you are witness to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour every day. Most of us keep running into the same obstacles over and over. I tell people, 'just pay attention to what you think, what you feel and how you behave. Look at what keeps coming up for you. You don't have to have a 1200 pound horse showing you the results of your behaviour. Look at how you drive a car, how you cook dinner, how you talk to your child, how you create or cope with conflict.' We all have recurring patterns of behaviour that are practically screaming at us that this is how we cope with life circumstances. Through the process of questioning or confronting these behaviours, we cease to be at the mercy of the external 'how it's supposed to be' and begin to arrive at 'how it is'. Only then is it possible to reclaim who we truly are and change our lives.?O For more info click here
Mindful Living is published by Hay House and available here.
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