Wilde Things
| by Fingal Wilde
The Roots of Narcissism
A few months ago I did a couple of articles on psychopaths in the workplace, which hopefully was put to good use
by my readers. Now I wish to look at the psychopath’s close cousin, the narcissist. I have named this article “The
Roots of Narcissism” because recently I observed a narcissist at close quarters for six months, and his tight-fisted
behaviour and disregard for civilised norms at first fascinated me, and then began to irritate me, and finally began
to disgust me, which started my ruminations as to what are the roots of narcissism. This article can also be put to
good use by my readers, because most of what I have observed will also be applicable in the workplace.
I
have looked at
various definitions
of narcissism, and
the one that basically
encapsulates most
of them comes
from the Wikipedia,
“narcissism is the
pursuit of gratification
from vanity, or
egotistic admiration of
one’s own attributes,
that derive from
arrogant pride”.
All true; but from
my point of view the
narcissist is more
than this, and to best
describe this is to
observe a small child.
I quote from an article
by Jeffrey Kluger in
the September 1 issue of Time magazine,
“small children, by their very nature,
are moral monsters. They’re greedy,
demanding, violent, selfish, impulsive
and utterly remorseless … They expect
to be adored but not disciplined,
rewarded but never penalised, cared for
and served by parents and family without
caring or serving reciprocally.” Kluger
continues, “There is the entitlement
of narcissism, the egocentrism of
narcissism, the bottomless appetite for
attention and rewards of narcissism. And
there’s the utter narcissistic numbness to
how others suffer from your behaviour.”
Kluger is talking about something babies
need for their survival, and from this
point of reference this behaviour can be
understood and tolerated.
But what if an adult behaves like this?
Let me assure you that it is extremely
frustrating and traumatising, and at times
you come close to dishing out some
physical harm.
3.
A: I am no better or
worse that most people;
B: I think I am a special
person
4.
A: I will be a success;
B: I am not too
concerned about being a
success
5.
A: The thought of ruling
the world frightens the
hell out of me; B: If I
ruled the world, it would
be a better place
6.
A: I try not to show off;
B: I will usually show off
if I get the chance
7.
A: Sometimes I tell good
stories; B: Everybody
likes to hear my stories
I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but
I have always believed that bad juvenile
behaviour that is carried into adulthood
can be blamed on bad parenting, and
Kluger in part agrees with me by putting
forward just such a theory, “the grandiosity
of the narcissist is just what it seems: a
consuming self-regard, perhaps fostered by
overindulgent parents.” Taking this a little
further, just imagine the overindulgence of
the Shaik parents!
8.
A: I expect a great deal from other
people; B: I like to do things for other
people
9.
A: I will never be satisfied until I
get all that I deserve; B: I take my
satisfaction as it comes
The question you may be asking yourself
is “how do I rate on the narcissistic scale”?
Well, Kluger assists with a self-test,
developed by Robert Raskin and Howard
Terry. Answer A or B to the following:
Scoring Key: Score one point for each
time you answered A in no’s 1, 4, 8, 9,
or 10. Score one point for each time you
answered B in no’s 2, 3, 5, 6 or 7.
1.
A: I have a natural talent for
influencing people; B: I am not good
at influencing people
2.
10. A: I wish someday somebody would
write my biography; B: I don’t like
people to pry into my life for any
reason
What it Means: The average score is 4.
The higher your score above that, the more
narcissistic you might be.
A: When people compliment me,
I sometimes get embarrassed;
B; I know I am good because
everybody keeps telling me so
| words in action
80
october 2014
And if you’re wondering,
my score was 3.