| by Baron Claude Borlz
Last Writes you will always find on the last page of ABR,
because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Once again, I owe a debt to my readers …..
Short and Sweet
A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine should I
use?” The trainer replies: “Use the ATM outside the gym!!!”
Die Boer baklei en gaan behoorlik mal oor die werkers. Sy vrou vat hom simpatiek aan die
hand en lei hom kamer toe. “Nou gaan jy op jou knieë,” sê sy, “en praat jou hart uit teenoor die Here.” “Heer”, begin die boer,
“Johannes het weer die ploeg gebreek. Jonas het die koeie in die gat laat val en Andries was alweer dronk. Vader ek wil net
graag weet of U hulle gaan kom haal of moet ek hulle vir U stuur.” Amen
Tobacco Smoke Enema Kit
(1750s – 1810s):
Can you name this
strange old tool?
Do you know what
it is?
The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a
patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, but primarily the
resuscitation of drowning victims. A rectal tube inserted into the
anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the
smoke into the rectum. The warmth of the smoke was thought
to promote respiration. Doubts about the credibility of tobacco
enemas led to the popular phrase “blowing smoke up your ass.”
As you are most likely aware, this odd tool is still heavily used by
all levels of government.
And our thanks to Erik de Milander from
Clanwilliam for his thoughts on Viagra:
Considerate or
printer error?
Viagra is not addictive, but it is “aansteeklik” (contagious);
Demand for Viagra has dropped, because men are scared that
rhino poachers may shoot them if they get ‘n horing; A truck
carrying a load of Viagra was hijacked recently – the police are
looking for three hardened criminals; local fishermen have mixed
feelings after a container of Viagra was washed overboard in
Table Bay – they can only use the squid as side tables, but at
least they no longer get “slap” snoek
Got my latest aBr and very considerate
I thought the blank pages were, until it
struck me, mayhaps providing handy
tear sheets for us who read aBr on the
throne was not actually the aim here?
Hope you claim the print run back!
To make you think
And finally, some macabre humour:
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five
women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a guy to
get those odds?
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s
too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both
ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to
slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and
choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
You know you’re into middle age when you realise that
caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,
it will avoid you.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work
its way through Parliament.
You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find
your car in the parking lot.
| words in action
➲ Seen at the
Land Cruiser world
record attempt at
Tarlton
120
october 2014
➲ and never ever think that
South African editors do not have
a sense of humour!