ARTS & CULTURE
Monday, April 6, 2015 9
A Nice Box of Kraft Dinner
My eleven golden rules
justin philpott › staff writer
I
n 1946, George Orwell had an article published called “A Nice Cup of Tea” in which he
describes the proper way to make tea. The
way in which he thoroughly and eloquently
describes a process as mundane as making tea has
always made me chuckle. Recently, I have been
wondering whether there were any other topics
in need of such profound insight. Finally it hit me.
Canadians purchase 1.7 million of the seven million
boxes of Kraft Dinner sold globally each week. That
is a lot of KD. Arguably, it has become our de facto
national food dish. However, if you pick up a box of
Kraft Dinner and look on its side, you will find a few
lines of sketchy instructions which give no ruling on
several of the most important points. This is curious,
not only because of Kraft Dinner’s iconic status in
Canadian culture, but because the best manner of
making and eating it can be the subject of violent
disputes. With this article, I aim to put some of the
most contentious points to bed. Here are my eleven
rules, each one of which I regard as golden:
First of all, one should use genuine Kraft Dinner.
This should go without saying. Walking through
Dollarama last week I noticed a couple KD knockoffs. Law school is expensive, I get that. However,
being thrifty in this particular area is an eyebrow
raiser of epic proportions; especially considering
how cheap it already is. People, there is but one true
Kraft Dinner.
Secondly, Kraft Dinner should be made by the box. If
you cannot finish a whole box in one sitting, tough;
save some for later. Do not be one of those people
who make only part of the box and put the rest back
in the cupboard.
That is just silly.
noodles sliding down your throat, scratching the
soft lining of your esophagus—is there anything as
off-putting?
Stir frequency—while not overly important—is still
worth noting. I stir the noodles three times. Once
right after I add them to the boiling water and then
every three minutes until ready.
Forgetting to st \