P ecking
DIS-ORDER
WARNER’S CORNER
DAVE WARNER
Star 102.7
I’m on good terms with all my
neighbours, except one, who thinks
he’s Snoop Dogg. He wears this big
gold look-at-me necklace, thinks he
can pull any chick in the hood and
struts around in his Rasta colours like
he owns the joint. I’ve never been a fan
of the ‘drop in’ visitor and this Bling
King with his su casa mi casa attitude
rocks up at Warnerworld every
bloody day.
Dropping in for a feed is one thing,
which I’m cool with, but what I’m
totally NOT cool with is him running
around the backyard trying to shag
our chickens. So the whole thing’s
escalated and I now find myself at war
with a horny scrub turkey. He lives
in the big old Raintree next door and
watches Harriet, Hazel and Charcoal
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like some sort of sexually charged pole opposite. But what really freaks
satellite sniper. These daily incursions me the F@$& out is cracking one of
across the border into my sovereign the girls eggs on a Sunday morning
state have developed into a hostile and ending up with a front row seat
humpy, pillage and plunder situation. to the freaky creepy Frankenstein bird
show… on my toast!
This badly plumed predator is
trying to create little baby
As it turns out scrub
Scrub Churkeys with our
turkeys aren’t just an
SO THE WHOLE
girls. If chickens had
uninvited and invasive
THING’S
ESCALATED
fingers and thumbs,
garden
Lothario,
AND I NOW FIND
they’d be tapping out
they’re also a native
MYSELF AT WAR
WITH A HORNY
#metoo.
Australian bird and
SCRUB TURKEY.
Didn’t know that was a
thing? This interspecies
humpy thing? Me neither, till
I googled it and apparently scrub
turkeys aren’t too fussed about who
they hook up with and, good God man
cover your eyes, the offspring are the
opposite of pretty. North pole – South
a protected species.
Shame, because if he gets
one of my girls pregnant,
I’d quite happily organise a shotgun
wedding. Of the literal kind.
Lock up your chickens people, Snoop
Dogg Scrub Turkey is in da hood.
Fo shizzle!