If 2016 was a Tinder profile , I would ’ ve swiped left . It was the sort of date I wish I ’ d slowed the car to 30k ’ s , opened the door and tuck and rolled my way straight into 2017 , limping away with a face full of gravel to avoid another disappointing year of unfulfilled goals .
So I ’ ve just completed my 47th lap of the sun and to help me avoid mistakes and get more realistic with my goal setting , I ’ ve written a letter of advice to my younger self , my 46 year old self ...
Dear Me ,
WARNER ’ S CORNER
DAVE WARNER Star 102.7
Sorry to throw shade on your 2016 dream , dude , but you won ’ t be lining up on the Half Forward Flank for the Essendon Football Club this year . It seemed like an achievable goal at the time ; but anything does after 9 Coronas and a gravity bucket .
Your goal setting skills are appalling and your aim is grotesque . You ’ re trying to hit a target that ’ s two states away in high winds and hail with a shaky hand and a case of conjunctivitis .
You dubbed 2016 the year of the long shot ; I can tell you right now , Adele will not be the next Dr Who , so cash out and delete your Sportsbet account . Wait a sec , put as much as you can on Leicester City to win the EPL at 5000-1 ( Crazy !) and a fair bit on Donald Trump ( I know !). Then delete it .
Oh , and hold off on hocking our limited edition personally signed David Bowie boxed set on Gumtree ; shit ’ s about to get real .
So you think you can adult , Dave ? Well here ’ s some things for your crosshairs :
Your health : exercise , don ’ t smoke , drink less , get a blood test and a colonoscopy and eat well .
Your finances : be a big boy and do a budget , save something , do a will – it ’ s been on your list for 10 years , up your life insurance and { FFS } open your bills and all those other scary looking letters .
And all of the above falls under the major heading of Your Family .
The future is not about kicking goals for the Essendon Football Club , it ’ s about kicking goals with your kids in the backyard for as long as you possibly can .
May your targets be close and your aim not grotesque . Now go get ‘ em , you under-achieving big adult baby man .
Kind regards , Me .
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