Horoscopes
Aries
March 21- April 19
Chiron is in retrograde from Aries, so watch out for geese. They are easily angered during this season. They are hungry. Run.
Taurus
April 20- May 20
At midday, on the twelfth day of the twelfth month, do not step on any leaves, lest you kill the bugs nestled beneath them, for this will anger the gods, and their punishment shall be swift.
Gemini
May 21- June 21
Be sure to say your Hail Caesars.... otherwise, you will suffer abdominal pains and gas.
Cancer
June 21- July 22
You will have a dream that you are soaring like Pegasus across the sky. Be sure not to look down, for if you do, you will do poorly on the next test you take.
Leo
July 23- August 22
Successfully spot three birds tomorrow, and you will be lucky beyond compare.
Virgo
August 23- September 23
Your lucky numbers: I II II L
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