Nu Vibez and Roleplay Guide Magazine - December 2015 | Page 33

With inanimate objects it is clear
that if we don’t succeed, we cannot blame bad intent on the object. The obstacle course or car
was not “out to get you” for example. We might try to say, the
car was a lemon, and no matter
what anyone did, it would fail,
or we might say after trying and
failing, that we are not as good a
mechanic as we first thought and
we need to go learn a few more
skills. We tend not to try to say
that the car was sabotaging our
plans for a nice holiday by deliberately breaking down for example.
With animals and humans in particular, the situation is entirely different. The opportunity to blame
looms large, and some people
grab that opportunity and take
full advantage of it, even when
all indicators show that actually
they are the ones mainly causing
the bad outcomes. These are the
folks that consistently fail to learn
from bad outcomes.
I have avoided saying “learning
from mistakes” because while
people may not produce a good
outcome from their behaviour,
the thing they chose to do might
have been fine in a different context, just not with that particular
other person at that time. It is a
form of mistake in a way, but not
the same as someone knowingly doing or not doing something
that was obviously an error.
In essence, a better way of judging our choice of behaviour is by
its consequences, if the consequences are pleasing and are just
what we anticipated or better,
then we have chosen well. If the

outcome is not at all what we expected, then we chose poorly in
that particular circumstance.
Experiencing repeated failures
at relationships are worth examining under the light cast by this
perspective.
There are both men and women that leave a trail of broken
relationships in their wake, only
to leap into another one barely
before the dust settled on the
old one. In some of these cases,
this serial relationship behaviour
that ends in break up in similar
ways each time, to be followed
by a hasty search for the next
Mr or Miss Wonderful, could be
a result of the ‘perpetrator’ never stopping to learn from their
choices of behaviour.
It is too easy to blame a human
and make out that they are the
main cause of all the ills of a relationship (when it always takes
two to tango) simply because
all humans have choices. The
perpetrator of broken dreams
knows this, and takes full advantage of it. They heap all the
blame for the bad outcome
onto the one they were involved
with, and without hesitation, no
reflective pause to learn about
the part they played in the poor
outcome, they seek out the next
‘victim.’
There are particular clusters of
personality traits that tend to
be more like this in the way they
navigate the world, but more on
that next time.

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NU VIBEZ & ROLEPLAY GUIDE MAGAZINE 33