Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
It can affect anyone
“I found the scene disturbing but
I wanted to bring some humanity to
it. I decided to reunite these body
parts. I’m glad I did. I’m proud that I
did. Yet I knew when I was doing it,
it was a sight that would come back
to me. I can see it now.”
The only sound in the conference
room was the sound of John
Cantwell’s voice as he continued
his story.
“We saw some really ugly
things, including the ‘highway
of death’ while it was still ablaze –
hundreds of bodies. This is another
layer of memories.
“At home I expected to get back
on with my life. I expected to be
untouched by this. Within a few
weeks I started having really bad
nightmares – screaming nightmares.”
John Cantwell thought he was
losing his mind, that he was some
kind of freak. When he sought help
he was treated like a malingerer and an attention seeker.
The advice was to think happy thoughts.
He was ashamed and says he became the best actor,
keeping his true self hidden. At this time he didn’t know
about PTSD.
In 2006 John Cantwell went to war again. He was back
in Iraq for just over a year. He wanted to go back to
overcome the memory of the death delivery of 1991 and
do some good for the Iraqis.
He retired from the Army in 2012 after 38 years of
service. His best-selling book Exit Wounds is a compelling
account of his combat experiences and resultant struggle
with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
Retired Major-General Cantwell shared his very personal
story with delegates at the Annual Conference. He
stressed you don’t need to be in combat to suffer PTSD.
“Many of the issues I’ve dealt with individually apply
equally to anyone who has served their community and in
the process confront ugly, troubling, difficult events and
suffer the emotional damage that sometimes goes with
that,” Retired Major General Cantwell told the delegates.
“I don’t pretend I have had a worse experience than
any of you. At least in the military the exposure to ugly
stuff is packaged, short and not all that frequent and
16
NORTHERN TERRITORY POLICE NEWS
“I felt heartbroken for the loss
and guilty they were killed,
wounded and maimed.”
The emotional wound of dealing
with the remains of the soldiers
killed is still with John. He was
determined to treat the dead with
dignity and respect.
“In many cases they died in
ugly ways. In many cases it was
impossible for the family to view
the remains. The least I could to
was place a hand on the body
and say ‘I am sorry you died. I’m
sorry we let you down, but we
will get you home to your family
in Australia and you will never be
alone.’ I am proud of that.”
When John Cantwell came home from Afghanistan
all the barricades he’d built around himself unravelled.
He was consumed by “grief, guilt, shame, sadness and
anger”. It overwhelmed him.
I’m still on that recovery.
Even talking triggers emotions...
“I thought that if I do that maybe the bad stuff will go
away. I’ll counteract the bad memories and guilt by doing
something good. It didn’t quite turn out that way.”
Vince Kelly with Retired Major General John Cantwell AO DSC
Retired Major General John Cantwell saw
combat action in the first Gulf War in 1991, in
Baghdad in 2006 and Afghanistan in 2010. He
was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross
for leadership in action. He has twice been
recognised in the Order of Australia awards, and
received the United States Legion of Merit.
In the same time 64 were
wounded and most of the wounds
were terrible. They were life
changing wounds – they lost limbs,
their sight, and their faculties. John
couldn’t let it overwhelm him.
you’re expecting to see ugly things. It’s a different story
for people in your situation. You never know what’s
going to be at the end of the radio call. It could be
domestic dispute ending in bloodshed or death or a kid
wrapped around a tree. It can happen on a Monday or a
Thursday or a Sunday morning.”
John Cantwell told his story.
In 1991 when Iraq invaded Kuwait he was leading a
tank division. There were only four or five days of ground
combat but during that time he was exposed to things
that caused him damage. He didn’t realise at the time.
Following the initial bombardment tanks were used to
bury surviving Iraqi soldiers alive in their trenches. “We
buried hundreds and hundreds of soldiers alive. It didn’t
sit well with me. It troubled me.”
This event stuck with John Cantwell, especially the sight
of a single hand sticking out of the sand. It is an image
that burned into his consciousness. Travelling through the
desert, kilometres away from any friendly units, in a small
armoured vehicle with two British soldiers, John Cantwell
found a burnt out truck surrounded by bodies. As they
passed he thought he saw one of the bodies move.
It was a virtual civil war with killings, abductions,
murders and rapes. In 2006 3,000 Iraqis ??????????)???????????????????????????????L??????)%????)????
????????????+?q%??????????????????-?????????????????)??????????????????????????????????????????)?????????????????????Q????e????????????????????)???????????????????????????????????????%?)?????????? ??????????????????????????Q???)?????????????????????????t)!????????????????????????????%???Q??)???????????????????????????????????????????????)?????????)????
???????e??????)%???????)????
??????????????????????????????)???????????%??????????????????????????????????)!?????????????????????????????????????????)?????????????????????????????????????+?q$??????e????????????????t)?????????????????????????????????????)????????)????
???????????????????????????????)??????????????????!????????????????????)??????!???????????????????????????????????)??????!???????????????????????????(+?q$?????????????????????????$??????????$???)?????????????????????????????????????$???)???????????????????????????????t)????????????????????????????????????!?)??????????????? ???????!???????????????????????+?q'?e????????????????????????????????????)???????????'?e??????????????????+?qAQM????????????????e????????????????????)???????????????????????????????????????????)??????5??????????????L?????????????????????)???????????????????????????=?????????????????)?????????????????????????????????????????)?????????????????+?q%?e?????????????????????????????????????)???????????+?qe??????????????????????????????????????)????????????????????????????5??????????????)??????????????????????????????????????t)???]???????)????
??????????? ??? ?????)?????????????5????????U????????A???????+??? ???????????????????????)?)9=IQ!I8?QII%Q=Id?A=1%
?9]L((??((0