discard the things I do not like.
Up until the age of four, I looked very Filipino: round face, chubby, black hair and dark brown eyes. But as I grew older I started to get more of my father’s genes: tall, longer-face, crooked teeth and my eyes turned to a hazel greeny blue colour.
I spent the weekends from the age of ten with my father, as my parents divorced around then and my father had returned from Malaysia by this time.
Spending the weekends with my father made him the fun parent whilst my mother was always the disciplinarian. The very first weekend I was meant to stay at my dad’s my mum panicked and did everything she could to get me to come home. Including inviting one of my friend’s to stay and buying lots of treats. (I guess she was scared).
Being a teenager having weekends at my dad’s rather than hanging out with my school friends made me grow up differently. I spent a lot of time in boat yards drawing, whilst dad fixed his boat. Then coming home on a Sunday to do my homework and seeing a car outside of the house.
My mother’s partner moved in with us when I was seventeen. They had been dating since I started secondary school. I found the change hard to deal with but the truth is, he is a good and honest man. And to some extent he has played a father role too; taking me to the theatre, and supporting me with life choices, like deciding to go to University.
I am now twenty-seven; I graduated four years ago from a Fine Art degree. Since, I have been involved in some incredible projects, working for the Tate, doing an artist residency in Brazil, teaching in India with the British Council. But the biggest lesson I have learned, is that change is inevitable and if you can adapt quickly and learn from the challenges presented to you, you will grow faster and become much more resilient as a person, able to cope with the surprises that are thrown at you.
My father has cancer; he has 15 months give or take.
It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least, but it has also put a lot of things into perspective. Now more than ever do I feel the most focused about what is important in life: To trust your heart and to do what naturally feels right; to listen to that voice inside to guide you. Because no matter what, your gut instinct is usually right. And of course, everyone is going to have an opinion on how you should live your life, but at the end of the day, it is yours. That is the biggest gift from my parents.
Where I go next, what I decide to do is down to me; I cannot pass my failures onto anyone else.
SO the things I would like to share with those of you who are just a few years younger is to listen to your gut and follow your heart. Do what feels right by you.
I know eventually all of my experiences and projects will lead to that moment when I can finally fly the nest. Leaving somewhere as familiar and comforting as home and begin the next part of life: Properly Adulting!
— NOTHING VENTURED NOTHING GAINED —