HEALTH & WELLNESS
LAW ENFORCEMENT FAMILIES CONTINUED FROM PAGE 69
In the law enforcement profession , there are few places where officers can feel safe and at ease . Logic would dictate that the primary place for this feeling of ease should be in their homes . Some officers can retreat there to mend , but not all . Many law enforcement families experience a form of domestic disturbance unknown in non-law enforcement families . It is brought home from work and manifests itself in the day-to-day events of one ’ s personal life .
Wives turn into single moms due to dad ’ s preoccupation with his work . They receive little support and , after a time , learn to live without it . In homes where the officer is female , a similar scenario takes place . Additionally , some officers stay at work late because going home is not a pleasant experience .
This is not a new phenomena or avoidance behavior . It takes very special people to make up a law enforcement family . We must help families to understand who law enforcement professionals are and why they think the way they do . Only then can their families support them , help them and , hopefully , change them .
All families have plans for achieving certain goals . Some of these plans are formal while others are not . These goals have been described as a “ purposeful pattern of moves toward a target or goal made by two or more people .” The family of a law enforcement officer is no exception . In many instances the law enforcement occupation can upset , alter or even destroy family plans or strategies for success . The officer must be considered a part of the whole – a concept more or less drawn from a family therapy approach – rather than be considered separately .
Police families differ in makeup as much as any other families . Thus , there is no more a stereotypic police family than there is a stereotypic cop . The police officer image of “ a flat foot eating a doughnut ” has long since passed . Today , officers are more and more aware of their personal wellness , continue to educate themselves , often are computer literate and are among the brightest individuals in the country .
Within a strong law enforcement family , there seem to be attributes that consistently reflect a resilient unit and an adaptive ability imperative to survival . Consistent caring and appreciating of each other ’ s service when the rest of the world seems like they do not care is essential . Defining clear roles and responsibilities , as they may change in the course of the shifts and the jobs and critical incidents on a regular basis , is key . Commitment to communication as a couple and with children consistently , as a law enforcement family unit , remains necessary . Community and family ties that offer support within the schools , churches , neighborhood and extended family must be utilized .
Law enforcement families must discover the family strengths on which they normally rely , and actually set goals as a family looking forward to happy and joyous times . They must maintain their spirituality and time together to practice their faith while encouraging each other by sharing positive statements regularly . They must bridle anger and encourage the sharing of life views , and engage in activities that enhance the family dynamic , the way a commanding officer would train a police unit .
There are some guidelines for law enforcement families in crisis , and activities that can be utilized as a resource for your law enforcement family :
• Prepare before the crisis . Identify what crisis may challenge your family and discuss what is viable to combat stress .
• Accentuate the positive . Identify and acknowledge that , although as a law enforcement family you may face a crisis , together this experience may allow you to gain positive intimacy and recognize your resilience .
• Walk “ a day in my shoes .” By walking a day in the other ’ s shoes , a husband and wife can discuss a change in roles and traditional tasks , so that the husband may understand how his wife does more , and vice versa .
• Get out of the rut . Deliberately have new experiences . Create a new focus , a hobby , a volunteer activity or something to shift both of you away your problems and toward working together .
• Develop a familial sense of humor . Have a family funny night . Although sometimes in times of crisis it seems impossible or even awkward to laugh , you can allow yourself to relax .
• Store strength . Basically this concept encourages you to be prepared in specific ways with resilience ideas that have worked so far .
• Remind yourselves of what you used to enjoy together . Surviving crisis often can reroute us from our passions and loves , our hobbies and things that define who we are . Perhaps you can try fishing together , doing yoga , going to the gym or something that allows you to play together rather than just survive .
• Communicate more than logistics and specifics . Get back to loving language , talking about your renewed faith and rewritten core beliefs .
• Pray together . Law enforcement families and couples often rely on their faith as a foundation . Sharing spiritual strength is imperative to success .
• Encourage each other . With “ strength bombardment ” of actions , renew the love between husband and wife by complementing each other ’ s strengths . We may think we are being loving but sometimes our actions can miss the mark . Even our children have expectations of how we should show our love and often we miss those opportunities .
These activities may have , at different points in your law enforcement family life , come naturally . Just like many elements in our lives , we must attempt to schedule our “ caring days ” into our busy lives . Find out what equals love to the members of your family , and then pick a few things to do each day for a period of time that specifically reflect those actions that say “ I love you ” to your law enforcement family members who sacrifice and support you everyday of their lives .
Protect your greatest resource : your law enforcement family . They deserve to be rescued , too . d
Retired FBI agent and current police husband James T . Reese Ph . D . contributed to the authorship of this article .
70 NEW JERSEY COPS ■ JULY 2016