HEALTH & WELLNESS
Call to love Valentine’ s Day reflections for cop couples
CHERIE CASTELLANO Cop2Cop
I am blessed to call myself a“ law enforcement wife,” and when I reflect on my greatest gifts, my husband is the most precious part of my heart. We joke that Valentine’ s Day never works out smoothly for a romantic date, but since we are in love, every day is a celebration of our marriage and our love. In between juggling the demands of life— teen kids, jobs, bills, friends, family and faith— we try to find ways to remain grateful for each other. We recently celebrated our 20-year wedding anniversary, and I can honestly say we love each other more today than the day we were married.
My husband and I work at growing together instead of apart. As I have written before, we have traditions, like our“ I love you” page that has sustained us for decades. For those of you who do not know this story, during 9 / 11, my husband and I were actively involved in the response in different ways, and with young kids and crazy work hours, we weren’ t seeing much of each other during that time. We created this idea that we would put“ 11-16-96”— our wedding anniversary— into a page that would be sent as a symbol to say“ I love you” when we missed each other. Often, at a moment when each of us needed it most, the buzz of the pager would show that“ 11-16-96” and we would feel connected. These days we text each other and try to share that we love each other as much as possible to keep the romance alive. Living and loving are not always easy to do simultaneously, and it takes a concerted effort to stay focused on preserving the relationship and growing together instead of growing apart. Police marriages and families do have unique stressors and strengths; where is your love leading you this Valentine’ s Day?
If your marriage is in a good place, a quiet dinner or romantic getaway is a natural choice for love. But if you’ re fighting, struggling or less amorous than usual, hopefully this past Valentine’ s Day shined a light on problems that are easier left ignored and will continue to do so every year. Your loveless experience may lead you to do less this year or even ignore the day entirely, using work as one excuse or that the holiday falls on a Tuesday night this year. Don’ t do this; don’ t take the lazy way out. If you were sick or had a problem at work, you would create a plan to heal and fix your problem. The same is true with love and marriage. Your stubbornness or your need to be right may make your type-A personality cringe, thinking“ It’ s not my fault.” But remember that love transcends pointing
fingers and power struggles. You both lose in that righteousness and your marriage erodes.
Researchers say love is good for your health. In fact, I recently came across an article titled“ 9 Proven Ways Being in Love Makes You Gorgeous and Healthy Too.” Among the highlights:
• Love makes you ditch destructive habits.
• People in love have lower stress levels and are in better moods.
• Being in a good relationship lowers your blood pressure, decreases your risk for heart attack, and can help you live longer.
• Love helps you lose weight.
• Being in love makes you look younger.
Whether love saves or extends your life, the quality of your life will be impacted by your significant other. Rescue your heart and spirit and your marriage instead of rescuing other people, and this year will be a new beginning instead of an ominous end. Write a love letter, go away, be romantic, send flowers— do anything that brings you to a place where you remember why you fell in love in the first place. You don’ t have to, but I want you to want to do these things as a loving partner to enhance your family and your life for your own happiness. If you have small kids, bring them into the day with candy and hugs to celebrate life and love.
Faith, too, can be a common ground to join together this season, so perhaps a prayer, mass or meditation can provide the peace you are seeking in your law enforcement marriage. As life gets more complicated and as we age, the need to rely on a power greater than ourselves not only for our personal resilience but for the sustaining of our family unit is essential. Cliché as it may be, I always heard that“ the family that prays together stays together,” so consider prayer.
Often people say to me that being a police wife must be tough, or I get defensive when neighbors or acquaintances say stupid things about law enforcement officers and I know they don’ t understand how special our lives and love unfold. I found a quote I loved on social media. I’ m not sure who wrote it, but it describes how I feel when people ask me what it is like to be a police officer’ s wife. It reads:“ He risks his life for people he doesn’ t even know. Imagine what he’ d do for me!” That shuts them up. Or another cool quote from Pinterest:“ I’ m just a girl who fell in love with a knight in shining Kevlar!” It may be corny, but that’ s what Valentine’ s Day is all about. d
www. njcopsmagazine. com ■ FEBRUARY 2017 71