HEALTH & WELLNESS
Meaning in the mourning
Every article I write is an attempt to mirror
what officers throughout the state of New Jersey
are experiencing at this moment in time. Of
course, my view is skewed, as my work at Cop 2
Cop is focused on crisis intervention, so we often
see officers in their most vulnerable or desperate
moments.
CHERIE
CASTELLANO
In the last few weeks, it seems our law enforceCOP 2 COP
ment community has seen a significant number
of losses from suicides, medical illness and accidents, but the common denominator is a coming together of
the brotherhood sharing its suffering and remembering lives
of service. Yet the equation still results in a lot of loss.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ 1969 book On Death and Dying contains a commonly shared concept that grief and loss involve
stages and a process. This got me thinking about the fact that
officers face life and loss more frequently than in the civilian
world, so how can you transform it into something that can
enhance your life and resilience?
In a recent article by Janelle Breese Biagioni, the author
examines the unique grief of police, military and first responders, and highlights the question “why” in your everyday loss.
She explains that in searching for an answer, an officer may
find meaning in the mourning.
In my work at Cop 2 Cop, it seems that the meaning of loss
is rarely clear quickly, and even when it seems apparent, the
threat of a loss of hope accompanies the loss of too many
lives. Breese Biagioni explains that first responders can help
each other through the following insights while grieving:
• Short and long term support are needed.
• Don’t expect people to get over it on your timetable.
• Use the name of the deceased when you can.
• It is not taboo.
• Allow for crying, anger and emotions – tears release
sorrow.
• Don’t try to fix anything.
• Take care of yourself while helping those most
affected.
• Recognize that your workplace may be a good place
for conversations about loss with other officers or
supervisors, as trauma can be a bond of sorts and
normalize the experience for everyone.
“Grief doesn’t
change you.
It reveals you.”
JOHN GREEN
Resilience still seems like a trendy word that is overused in
self-help books, especially when it comes to real life and real
loss. I see your resilience in the courageous moments when
you do a death notification, hold the flag as an honor guard
member, and perform the roll call where you address the shift
about a tragedy.
Eventually something transformative often occurs among
officers that is actually positive: It is a break in the tension, a
joke that only officers can laugh at, a moment of silence, or an
act of kindness that unites you. It is a phenomenon that is
resilience personified, and I want you to focus on this in these
challenging times.
“There but for the grace of God go I,” is my mantra when I
am grateful during a response for loss in our police lives.
Somehow life does seem more precious in the face of
someone else’s mortality.
So how do you move from the sadness of loss into strength?
It seems that your humor, faith, sense of service, and brotherhood offset the death and loss and suffering that sometimes
surrounds you.
You are lucky to be alive, to be loved, to be able to work, to
be called to service through law enforcement, to see the
moments in life that change others, to read this article, to be
resilient. In the book, now a movie, The Fault in Our Stars,
author John Green sums it up: “Grief doesn’t change you. It
reveals you.”
Thanks for the glimpse of who you truly are through the
moments at Cop 2 Cop. Call if you need us: 866-267-2267. d
www.njcopsmagazine.com
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APRIL 2015
77