NJ Cops Nov18 | Page 46

signs to watch. Things compound, especially in the jails. Now, many officers have to do an extra five years to maximize their pension. That’s an extra five years in harm’s way that compounds the stress, especially in the jails. Consequently, there should be an inclination to watch for the signs because officers apparently are still reluctant to talk about problems that could lead to considering suicide. Or worse. “If you think about it, being a law enforcement officer, the last thing we want to say to each other is ‘Are you OK? Do you really want to hurt yourself?’” submits Dave Weiss, a retired Local 152 member and captain of the department who led the team from Cop2Cop, the suicide hotline for law enforcement in New Jersey, at the Out of Darkness Walk. “Because we have gallows humor, that’s not what we say.” The walk of life STEPPING UP CONTINUED FROM PAGE 45 “Just being around some people every day that are hopeless and don’t have anything to live for, their feelings of sadness and stuff rubs off on us,” explains Local 134 member Nichelle Ponder, also a member of the honor guard leading the walk. “It’s hard. I can’t real- ly explain it. Living with the criminals has a bad effect on us. Some officers can’t take it, so that’s their way out.” The way out can begin with going out for a drink or two after work to relieve some of that stress. Then it becomes drinking alone. Then it becomes self-medicating. Those certainly are warning 46 NEW JERSEY COPS ■ NOVEMBER 2017 Local 152 member Torrance Mills has been coming to the Dark- ness Walk for several years now. The Middlesex County Corrections Honor Guard got involved just like the thousands who walk typi- cally do: They lost a member to suicide in the spring of 2014. Then they lost another six months later. The Local 152 experience the past three years has combined all of what the walk accentuates. It’s a time to remember, a time to honor and a time to celebrate. The Darkness Walk has become a march of the living for so many officers, and especially corrections officers. “It means quite a bit to our department, and it means a lot to their families, as well as all the other families,” Mills relates. “It’s a great pick-me-up for the rest of our guys.” Lieutenant Steve Nagy of Local 199 has come every year, so many years that he can’t even count. His department lost a cou- ple of members within the past 10 years, and walking continues to provide healing. And, of course, it brings awareness, for as Nagy reminds, “Maybe it will prevent something in the future.”