One father’s experience with his 8-year-old son
It was 6:30 am, and I was engaging in my usual morning
routine before leaving for work: Turn on the coffee, shower,
dress and then say goodbye to my wife and son. This morn-
ing was different.
From his room, my 8-year-old son heard me walking
around and called out to me, “Hi Daddy…” (I love how he
says that, it makes my heart sing.)
I went into his room and sat on his bed next to him. I said
to him as I brushed my fingers through his gorgeous thick
dark brown hair, which I wish I had, “How are you doing this
morning?”
He replied, “I’m doing great.”
I then said to him, “You make me a great father.”
He paused as he often does before he speaks, and said,
“You make me a great son.”
divorce or separation is imminent? Does the yearning ever end?
How then, are these issues processed, if children lack daily en-
gagement with their fathers? Are the unresolved issues between
father and son reenacted in other relationships? Moreover, ob-
serving the relationship between one’s father and mother often
becomes the model for how one approaches their own roman-
tic relationships. If they model fatherhood after their relation-
ship with their own father, what kind of father will they become?
In his article, “The Life Cycle of Father-Son Relationships,”
Charles Williams, Ph.D., poses a question: Have you ever no-
ticed how children want to be just like their parents when they
are young, nothing like their parents when they are teens, and
then become just like their parents for better and worse when
they become adults? This could not be more evident than in the
relationship between fathers and sons. From the evolution of
childhood through older adulthood, predictable stages occur in
the way sons view and relate to their fathers.
How can I be a good dad?
Personal, adult stressors tend to impact the way we see the
world and how we relate to others. Children often do not (nor
should they) understand our stress, but they do understand our
actions, words and tone. It is much easier to become a father
than to be one.
To help your child to have a positive self-image, moral com-
pass and intellectual and social competence, try these things:
• Work for a positive relationship with the child’s mother.
Show trust and respect.
• Take time to listen to your child, without distraction from
electronics.
• Get involved with your child’s interests. It’s never too late
to ask questions about their interests, attend a game or
talk about a subject they love.
• Remember that even when your own burdens are great,
they will be amplified if your children feel they have to
solve your problems, or if you are absent from their lives.
d
Dr. Michael Bizzarro, PhD, LCSW, BCD, is director of clinical ser-
vices for first responder treatment services at Princeton House
Behavioral Health. To learn more about treatment services avail-
able at Princeton House, call 888-437-1610 (outpatient) or 800-
242-2550 (inpatient) or visit princetonhouse.org.
www.njcopsmagazine.com
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