By Philip Wong
Indulging in Faded Memories
By Philip Wong
“ Time passes . Memories fade . People leave . But hearts never forget .” This used to be my granny ’ s favourite quote . Every time she wrote to me , the beloved apple of her eye , she would deliberately save a large blank space for this quote . Just like creating a masterpiece , the words were written slowly and carefully , wanting to convey some special meaning , as if quoting the wise words of the Bible . In the old days , when innocence and ignorance prevailed , I didn ’ t understand her words and simply thought that she was a fanatic of calligraphy . As time has gone by , when I eventually figured out what she actually meant , it was too late . Yes , it ’ s too late now …
Having left my granny ’ s hometown for eight years , I feel extremely nostalgic when returning to the place that has been constantly appearing in my dreams . Everything seems so familiar yet unfamiliar to me . Same furniture , same decoration and surroundings ; most of them resemble the memories made in my childhood , except the bunch of pill bags and the electric blood pressure meter placed beside her bed , spreading a sense of coldness and darkness in her room .
She lies on the bed peacefully . Without making any noise , she falls into an eternal slumber , sentenced by Time and Death . As amiable as I remember she was , this familiar face is now marred by the tiredness and inanition , and also the wrinkles left by Time . Under the gloomy light , she looks fragile , as if she would turn to dust if I touched her . I wish I could have hugged her while she was fighting against disease , giving her a bit of warmth and letting her know how much I loved her .
A few years ago , my granny was diagnosed as having cardiovascular disease ( CVD ), or heart disease . Hearing the news from Mum , I was completely shocked and devastated . All the forgotten memories with Granny suddenly burst into my mind like roaring water from an opened tap , which further triggered my worries and fear of losing her . My impulsiveness drove me to pack my belongings and rush to see her ; however , my father stopped me . He kept saying , “ Granny is fine and seeing her now is not good timing . She has to rest ,” though his face unconsciously revealed his anxiety for her . It seemed that he was trying to hide something from me for unknown reasons . Despite the intense argument I had with my father , I did not manage to see her , as my passport was confiscated by my father .
In the years that have gone by , I return to this place filled with the doom and gloom . Ironically , this reunion is also our disunion , driving my granny and me apart . Wandering around her room , many pieces of “ me ” can be easily found , and it feels like old scenes are being replayed . The drawings that I gave her are hung on the walls ; the “ Best Granny Award ” certificate is finely framed upon her bed ; the shiny finger stone that I collected is properly placed inside her jewellery box … My eyes keep looping among the stuff until seeing a yellowing dusty paper . Perhaps it is an illusion or hallucination , but the name on the paper magically attracts my attention . I go to it , open up the folded piece of paper and start reading . As if she has appeared in front of me , the words explain everything to me , including why I was prohibited to go visit her until her death .
Alzheimer ’ s Disease . These two little words in the middle of the letter pop into my mind , stirring something in the deepest part of my heart . Before my granny was diagnosed with CVD , Fate had been secretly stealing her memories . She used to be good at remembering things , a talent which she demonstrated while playing memory games with me when I was a child . I thought losing one of her strongest talents would have been a great blow to her . Yet , all these cruel facts never defeated her optimistic view of life . Knowing that she was diagnosed with more than one disease , she was very optimistic and considerate . As she used to say , “ When one door closes , another one opens ,” she treated such challenges as a normal part of life that everybody goes through . Rather than grieving , she chose to spend the remaining time building tangible and sweet memories with her family while she still remembered .
9 MARCH 2018