interested - more interested in
watching television and barely ac-
knowledging that his father (who
he rarely saw in person) was back.
He soon learned that this feeling
of guilt about pushing his father
away was very universal among
children of addicts. Sharon Rut-
ter, who edited the film, explained
that many children in these situa-
tions are forced to grow up quick-
ly; they have to make rather adult-
nuanced, complex decisions and
thoughts about their relationship
with their parents - something that
is asking a lot from a child.
“At the time, it really struck me
how universal that sense of guilt
is for a child of an addict,” said
Charnick. “It’s important because
if we are ever going to break this
cycle - not only of addiction, but
of the shame that comes with it -
we need to teach children early
on that it is not your fault. You are
a child. You are not expected to
hold the load for a forty year-old
NJ STAGE - ISSUE 58
man’s lifelong choices and deci-
sions.”
It took Charnick nearly a decade
to gather the strength to watch
the tapes for the first time and
another five years to make the
documentary. During that time,
he learned much of family history
that was hidden from him and dis-
covered the truth of stories that
had been fabricated. It was not an
entirely bad experience though,
he met his future wife a few years
into the project and learned why
he wanted to be a filmmaker in
the first place.
“My whole reason for wanting to
be a filmmaker is to tell individual
stories that are open and honest
and shed light on things people
might only know about in gener-
alities like drug addiction, crime
in New York, etc.,” said Charnick.
“But I wanted to make it one in-
dividual story. I knew it had to
be as open and honest as pos-
sible. There were times this was a
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