......CONTINUED
THE
SHAME GAME
(ii) Type B (verbal, physical or
sexual abuse). Here the trauma
is more tangible. Often strong
feelings of pain are not resolved,
acknowledged or dealt wi,th and
the abuse is pushed under the
carpet to protect the image of the
family or institution. This is seen as
more important than the resolution
/ healing of the child’s pain.
• Never question your parents
(‘That is the way it is because I say
so’)
• Image is everything It doesn’t
matter what is happening on the
inside but how you look which can
teaches children to compete and
compare
• Be good all the time – in a
dysfunctional family, ‘good’ is
translated ‘perfect’
Shame from trauma is often so • Ignore bad things that happen.
painful that the mind refuses to deal Don’t rock the boat
with it (denial and dissociation) • Keep family secrets – Don’t talk,
and the pain is buried.
tell or feel
• Never get help
4. Family Dysfunction
• Don’t trust anyone
God designed the family as the • Find a scapegoat the family can
primary channel for learning blame
one’s identity, having one’s needs
met, understanding who God is 6. Burden Bearing
and for developing relationships. Burden bearers carry another’s
A dysfunctional family cannot sense of shame as though it were
provide these needs.
their own and are unable to
differentiate between the two. This
5. Family Rules
can begin at conception.
Many families have rules often
unspoken but clearly imparted and 7. Generational Lines
these can become strong sources of Shame keeps secrets hidden,
shame. These may include:
unaddressed and unresolved.
• Don’t have feelings especially Secrets can include suicide,
negative ones
homicide,
abortion,
incest
• Feelings are not important
addictions, illegitimacy, financial
• Ignore your sense that something ruin, poverty, mental illness.
is wrong
8. Cultural Background
Ethnic groups can carry shame
as part of their identity coming
as a result of events in a people’s
history. Groups within a culture
(e.g.
churches,
companies,
schools) can also operate in shame,
where shame is used to motivate,
modify and control behaviour.
The functioning of the system is
seen to be more important than
pouring strength and fullness in
to individual members by meeting
their needs.
Regardless of the origin of shame,
its impact on an individual’s life
can be devastating and debilitating.
But the good news is that we do
not need to live in shame. God is
able to break through the lies we’ve
believed about who we are and
dismantle the shackles of shame.
For more information on healing
shame visit our website:
www.healingshame.com.au
Written by Cath Moore
HEALING SHAME
TEACHING TOUR
Restoring Honour
Identity
Relationships
Kingdom Purpose
Elijah House Ministries Australia presents
a life changing seminar by Sandra Sellmer Kersten
NSW, VIC, WA March 2014
Phone 07 5492 8588
Page 6
www.healingshame.com.au
[email protected]