RAISING CONSCIOUS KIDS
voice and posture. As I empathized with him, I began to feel very sad too. I observed my tendency to
want to tell him that everything would be okay and
to distract us both from this sadness. But when I
realized that that would be dismissive, I sat mindfully with the sadness until it dissolved and then
brought my full attention to him, silently offering
him my care and concern.
Remember, we can’t always meet our students’
needs, but we can respond in a way that supports
the relationship, and practicing mindful listening
is key. This simple act of deeply listening is critical
to building a caring relationship with our students.
We can’t meet all their needs, but we can listen to
them with an open mind and an open heart. We
can really hear the needs they are expressing, rather than assuming that we know what they need.
With time, we may find that we can deeply attune
to others and recognize ways to help them that we
had never considered before.
I had the great fortune of doing my student teaching with a teacher who had a side practice as a marriage and family counselor. She really knew how to
listen, and she taught me a great deal about the
power of listening. Her training in counseling gave
her skills that made her teacher-parent conferences truly unique.
Once a parent came to a conference very upset
about an ongoing conflict her daughter was having with another girl. From this parent’s perspective, her daughter could do no wrong and the root
of the problem was the other child’s bad behavior. She came to the conference visibly angry and
ready to do battle with us. Donna was aware of
this and opened the conference with a question:
“Is there anything in particular you would like to
discuss at this meeting?” This gave the mother an
opening to blast us. She said the other girl was getting her friends to gang up on her daughter and
asked why weren’t we doing anything to stop it.
She made some very derogatory statements about
the other girl, her parents, and her friends. While
she expressed these strong feelings, Donna gave
the mother her full attention and listened quietly.
Donna’s facial expression conveyed concern, and
every once in a while she would nod her head and
say, “I see,” or, “I hear you.”
40 | NEW CONSCIOUSNESS REVIEW
We can really hear
the needs they are
expressing, rather
than assuming that we
know what they need.
After a few minutes, the mother cooled off and
stopped her tirade. For one moment, there was a
pregnant silence. This gave Donna an opening. She
took a deep breath and calmly said, “As parents,
we all worry about our kids and want them to be
happy. It’s understandable that you’re upset.” The
mother nodded and Donna asked, “Would you like
to hear about what we’re observing at school?” After the mother nodded again, Donna explained the
social dynamic between the two girls and how they
were equally responsible for their conflicts. The
group of girls that they were both part of was taking sides with each of them on different occasions.
Then Donna outlined some strategies that we had
been using to improve their communication and
cooperation skills and explained to the mother
how she might help us reinforce these activities at
home. The mother left the conference smiling and
visibly relieved.
From this experience, I learned how mindful listening has the power to shift a conversation in a more
positive direction. Donna gave this mother her full,
caring, undivided attention, and it paid off. She
maintained a positive relationship with the family
and engaged the mother in contributing to problem-solving strategies.
About Patricia Jennings:
An internationally recognized leader in the field
of mindfulness in education, Patricia Jennings
is a teacher, scientist, mindfulness researcher/
practitioner, and an Associate Professor of Education in the Curry School of Education at the
University of Virginia. Her first book, Mindfulness for Teachers: Simple Skills for Peace and
Productivity in the Classroom, draws upon research in neuroscience, psychology and education and is part of the Norton Series on the Social
Neuroscience of Education. www.tishjennings.
com.