INSPIRATION
my secret grief, my despair, my betrayal, my pain,
which I can’t express, my terror, my abandonment.
Oh, listen to me for a day, an hour, a moment, lest I
expire in my terrible wilderness, my lonely silence.
Oh God, is there no one to listen?”
There is. The person who you love and loves you
is there to listen. And like you, they have forgotten
the most important component of deep listening,
being present. There are two parts of being present, one physical and one emotional. Both of them
need attending to if a conversation is to stay rational, adult, and successful.
First we’ll look at the physical aspects of the distraction of technology and multi-tasking. When
we add the distraction that comes with multi-tasking we are in trouble, because listening is a single-minded, reasoning task, and multi-tasking and
listening effectively at the same time are mutually exclusive. When we look at technology, with
phones ringing, computers popping up e-mail, cell
phone ring tones, and text messages beeping, we
know technology is at work distracting us from effectively listening. Now, let’s add yet another layer
of multi-tasking, the kind that is second nature and
almost invisible to us as multi-tasking. Many of us
are guilty of looking through the mail while talking;
typing a quick email on our smartphone while in
conversation; or having a conversation while the
television is on.
When we look at technology,
with phones ringing,
computers popping
up e-mail, cell phone
ring tones, and text
messages beeping, we
know technology is at
work distracting us from
effectively listening.
52 | NEW CONSCIOUSNESS REVIEW
By creating such an
environment, deep listening
will take place. And DO
make the debriefing a ritual!
Even if you can only get five
minutes of uninterrupted
time, make it happen at the
same time every day.
One of my students made this point in his listening
reflection paper, “As a manager, I am required to
constantly interact with others every day. When I
come home at the end of the day I want nothing
more than to sit in silence without the requirement
to listen. My wife, however, wants nothing more
than to tell me about her day, and so the listening
challenge begins. While I have previously heard her
talk, I realize now that I have not really listened.
I have allowed my needs to get in the way of my
ability to be present to what my wife’s thoughts
and emotions are.”
There are some simple steps to pull the distraction
of multi-tasking out of our conversations. When
sharing a conversation with your significant other,
find a place, away from distractions, where the ritual of debriefing is the top priority in each other’s
eyes. Finding out what happened in each other’s
day, and how they feel about the day requires that
you choose a physical space away from the television, video games,