OUR WORLD
A nation that continues year
after year to spend more
money on military defense
than on programs of social
uplift is approaching spiritual
death.
Perhaps it’s time to face the fact that something is
fundamentally amiss with an approach that focuses exclusively on changing outer circumstances yet
ignores the inner, ego-based dynamics that perpetuate the violence. Of course political negotiation is
necessary and important. But to avoid facing the
immense underswell of relational illiteracy that
fuels our conflicts is like fixing potholes in a road
while ignoring the smoldering volcano beneath.
Sometimes we lose sight of the obvious. We speak
of peace as if it were a matter of political negotiation or strategic maneuvering. But peace is foremost a matter of human relationships. When the
relationships among individuals and groups are
harmonious, they’re at peace. So if we want to create a more peaceful world, we must hone our skills
in the art of maintaining peaceful relationships.
Every year we chalk up thousands of deaths to factors such as political extremism or domestic abuse.
Yet these deaths could with equal justification be
viewed as the tragic price we pay for our abysmal
relational skills. Were we better able to communicate, cooperate, and coexist, these deaths need
never have occurred.
In our society, many people still view all forms of
inner work, including relational education, as narcissistic hobbies. Yet look at the major problems
on our planet and you’ll see how many of them can
be traced back to relational illiteracy. Therefore, I
believe it’s high time we stop viewing relational
education as a mere personal hobby and recognize
it for the urgent collective imperative it is.
One of the great strengths of tribal societies is that
they recognize the importance of relational education, not only for individuals but for the entire
57 | NEW CONSCIOUSNESS REVIEW
community. Whereas we typically categorize relationships as a personal, private matter, indigenous peoples believe the exact opposite: Nothing
could be more important to the community than
the quality of people’s relationships. Relationships
are therefore a matter of urgent public concern.
As the Dagara teacher Sobonfu Somé explains, in
her culture everyone feels a sense of responsibility for maintaining harmony within the community.
Therefore, any conflict between two people is considered a matter of grave concern.
She writes, “One of the principles of the Dagara
concept of a relationship is that it’s not private.
When we talk about ‘our relationships’ in the village, the word ‘our’ is not limited to two. And this is
why we find it pretty hard to live a relationship in a
modern culture that is lacking true community. In
the absence of community, two people are forced
to say, ‘This relationship is ours,’ when in fact, a
community should be claiming ownership.”
I think it’s high time that we, as a society, claimed
ownership over the relational problems that are
decimating our communities. Our current state
of relational illiteracy is more than just an inconvenience—it’s a time bomb that needs to be diffused before it pulverizes us all. If we want to create a more peaceful world, we should demand that
more of our tax dollars be devoted to relational education.
It would be money well spent, for the stakes are
higher than ever. As Martin Luther King once said,
“A nation that continues year after year to spend
more money on military defense than on programs
of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.”
Jalaja Bonheim.is one of the world’s foremost
experts in the use of circle gatherings as a tool
for empowering women and healing communities. She has trained hundreds of women leaders
in the art of circle leadership and is the founder
of the Institute for Circlework. Since 2005, she
has been empowering Jewish and Palestinian
women in Israel and the West Bank to serve as
agents of peace in their communities. Dr. Bonheim is the author of numerous books, including
her latest, The Sacred Ego: Making Peace with
Ourselves and Our World. Her website is www.
sacredego.com