new church life: september/october 2016
shunning those evils as sins that we can work on the second of charity and
learn to develop the good qualities that are of benefit to our neighbor and help
to form genuine friendships.
Murderous and vengeful thoughts and actions will be replaced with
a concern for justice and fairness. Adulterous thoughts and actions will be
replaced with a zeal for chastity and protecting the sanctity of marriage. The
desire to steal will be replaced with sincerity and the desire to give instead of
take. Wanting to bear false witness and lie will be replaced with a love of the
truth and honesty. And coveting things for ourselves will be replaced with
looking out for the needs of our neighbor before our own. (cf. Life 67-91)
Once we reach this state then we are a branch of the vine – a part or
instrument of the Lord, which bears much fruit. The fruits of the vine is the
good works, deeds or actions that we perform for our neighbor. Faith is nothing
if it is merely knowledge and does not look to charity. And charity is nothing
if it is not manifested in good works. This is the Lord’s goal – that we be of
service to our neighbors. That is why heaven is said to be a kingdom of useful
services. (See Conjugial Love 7:3) This is when we obey the commandment
fully – to love others as He has loved us. For even the Son of Man did not come
to be served but serve. (Matthew 20:28)
There is one more secret contained in these verses from John about the key
to forming genuine friendships: “If you keep My commandments, you will abide
in My love. . . . These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in
you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:10-12) The Lord tells us that if we
keep His commandments, we will abide in His love. But what was the reason
given? That His joy might remain in us and that our joy might be full.
He does not ask us to keep the commandments for any sense of personal
self-gratification, but so that we will be happy. And this is in perfect accordance
with the three qualities of Divine love and thus of all genuine loves: to love
others outside of oneself, to desire to be one with them, for the purpose of
making them happy. (See True Christian Religion 43)
This should be a guiding principle in all our interactions with our friends.
Are we serving them in such a way that seeks to bring them joy and make them
happy – and not just in the short term, but eternally happy? In the long run
this will make our joy full, because the Writings define genuine love as feeling
the joy of another, as joy in oneself. (See Divine Love and Wisdom 47)
So far we have only covered the guiding principles of forming genuine
friendships with others and being a true friend to the Lord. And it is easy to see
what a wonderful thing genuine friendship is. But we find in the Writings that
along with friendship comes responsibility, accountability and consequences,
so they are not to be entered into lightly.
We are told that there are basically two kinds of friendships – interior and
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