new church life: september/october 2015
like to spend time over coffee; and spouses might pick up extra jobs around
the house for each other.1
Issues can arise when the person expressing love or appreciation is using
a different method than the one preferred by the receiver. If a husband brings
his wife flowers but she’s really hoping for help with the dishes, she could have
a difficult time recognizing the love he is expressing to her. Being clued in to
what type of expression feels most pertinent to the receiver facilitates healthy
relationships.
Figuring out which of these means of expressing love to the Lord is most
valued by Him will allow for a closer relationship with Him, and consequently
more joy and peace for us.
1. Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are words of recognition, appreciation, gratitude and
encouragement that we might say out loud or write to someone to express
our affection. It can be as simple as a sincere “I love you,” or it can be verbally
commending someone on the quality of his or her work.
The Lord does not need affirmation and recognition for His own sake,
nor does He require our words to be said aloud. It is crucial for our personal,
spiritual well-being, to acknowledge the Lord as the one true God. In fact, the
Writings say that acknowledging the Lord is the primary thing a person needs
to do to further his or her spiritual life. “The very first thing a person needs
to do is to acknowledge that the Lord is the Savior of the world; for unless he
acknowledges this no one can receive any truth o r good at all from heaven, or
therefore receive faith from there.” (Arcana Coelestia 10083)
Accepting the Lord as the one and only God is also the most essential
component of worship, along with recognizing that faith and love emanate
from His Divine Human. (Ibid. 7550) Without this recognition of the Lord,
reformation and regeneration would not be possible. (Divine Providence 91)
Likewise, no conjunction with the Lord would be possible. (New Jerusalem
and its Heavenly Doctrine 283) Since the Lord desires conjunction with us
above all else (Divine Providence 27), it follows that acknowledgement of Him
is the very first step toward being in a state of love to the Lord.
In order to acknowledge Him in a way that leads to conjunction, we must
have a correct idea of Him. (Divine Love and Wisdom 13; Apocalypse Revealed
839.6) We cannot truly love what we do not know. The more we understand
and know the Lord, the more closely we can love Him. We must recognize that
1 While the original book regarding The 5 Love Languages was directed at married couples, this
generality applies to a variety of relationships beyond marriage, with the exception of touch being
modified to be appropriate for that specific type of relationship.
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