Coping With Grief
The Rev . David C . Roth
( Note : This was written by the pastor for the newsletter of the Boulder , Colorado , New Church .)
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n the New Church we have an abundance of beautiful and comforting teachings on life after death . This can be such a blessing to people . It is a blessing to know what happens to us when we die ; it can remove many of the fears we may have . It is also a blessing to know what happens to our loved ones when they die . It is comforting to be able to place them when we can no longer be with them physically . In a small way , it may be analogous to seeing a friend ’ s or sibling ’ s apartment after they have moved across the country . We still miss them , but now we can picture their surroundings and it brings a sense of relief .
On the other side of the coin , we can also be quite naive about death and what someone may be going through . We like to say things like , “ Everything will be okay . He ’ s in a better place .” Or , “ Don ’ t cry , she is in heaven now .” Or “ I know how you must feel .” ( No we don ’ t , unless we have been there .)
We can have the opinion that if someone believed in what the Writings teach about heaven that they would have no sorrow over the passing of a loved one . This is not the case – except maybe in cases of acute denial , but even then the sorrow will manifest itself in some other way in the future .
The fact is that when someone loses a friend , spouse , child , parent , grandparent , brother , sister or whomever , their whole world can become quite insane . They may be wondering whether they have gone crazy because they cannot seem to think of anything else and can ’ t stop crying about it . Or they may wonder if they need to go to the hospital because they are feeling physically very sick . Everyone ’ s experience is different , and yet everyone ’ s experience is similar in that they feel a great deal of pain over an undetermined period of time .
Many people believe or were told that they will “ get over it ” in a year or in so many months . But what researchers and experience have shown recently is that people don ’ t get over it ; it is always a part of their life and experience .
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