with no victories. Congratulate your client or remind them that they
have done something that is worth being proud of, but be careful
to keep your language about them: it is their place to be proud of
themselves, not yours. Rather, you can congratulate, encourage and
be impressed.
Make sure they know the wins are THEIRS
A client who slips up has no place apologising to you, and a client
who is doing well has no place saying that their progress is thanks to
you. It is not about you! Absolutely accept thanks for being a helpful
guide, but be careful that this boundary does not become blurred
into thinking that you have done anything more than that, as it does
the client an enormous disservice by taking their power away. We
work hard as coaches, but ultimately only the clients who put in the
work get the results, so the victory belongs to them.
Encourage the client to take ownership
It goes a long way to regularly remind the client that they are in
charge and that you do not own their goal for them – they will have
the autonomy to change their mind about a goal and therefore to also
accept responsibility for the positive and negative consequences
of that choice, should they arise. If they slip up, they will be more
willing to admit responsibility with compassion but ownership. If they
make progress, they will also be able to see that they have made that
achievement with purpose, not chance. People who are more aware
of their autonomy tend to take more ownership and responsibility
over their own life, and consequently to achieve more.
Offer only constructive feedback – no matter how you feel
It is normal to feel frustrated if a client is repeatedly making the same
mistakes. It is, however, not fair to make it about you and become
combative with the client just because they are not behaving as you
would like them to. A client who is struggling is not wasting your time,
nor trying to antagonise you. Remember that your outcome is to help
the client, and that means working through the struggle together.
Keep your feedback constructive, respectful and compassionate.
This is how real change occurs.
When in doubt, refer out
A client who is struggling on a more serious
level may very well be working through some
mindset demons that are beyond what you
are qualified to manage. It then becomes
your responsibility to suggest expanding
their wellbeing team to include a psychologist
or counsellor. As with any other matter, once
you notice that something is beyond your
scope of practice then your ethical duty of
care is to refer out. This does not necessarily
mean you need to stop training them, but
rather to engage in collaborative teamwork
with any other members of their wellbeing
team to help the client meet their needs.
Advanced techniques
There are many involved techniques for that
require additional study. However, there
are a few that, with practice, you can use
to effectively guide your clients through
moments of struggle.
A client who is struggling is not
wasting your time, nor trying to
antagonise you
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