her husband, cannot do anything but let people
with more expertise than I have to take care of
her and make sure she is on the mend. That is
not easy for a man with control freak tendencies
to do. Somehow every day, I find a way to
allow professionals to do what they do without
getting in the way. Some days are better than
others, but I think I have accomplished that … for
the most part.
In the meantime, I do my best to maintain my
consistency about making sure both she, and
home, are running as smoothly as humanly
possible. I’ve been in that mode since mid-July,
and even when I get her home from the hospital
for good, the healing continues. My favorite
mantra is: this is a marathon, never a sprint. It has
served me well to enhance my calm and pack
my patience in trunks instead of suitcases. This
process and the mantra will continue to serve
me well beyond this temporary challenge that
we are experiencing.
Anyone who has followed me on social media
knows that there are four women in my life
where, if any of them are hospitalized, my
entire world comes to a complete STOP—my
Beloved, my mom, my sister, and my daughter.
Until any, or all, are healthy and happy again, I
do whatever it takes to ensure that is the case. In
this case, it is my Beloved that has the majority
of my attention and time.
That time and attention, given the nature of
my profession, makes it difficult to devote any
productivity about the creation of new literary
projects, the maintenance and preparation of
projects ready for release, and the promotion
of projects that are already out on the market.
Not impossible, mind you, but difficult. Because
priorities and such.
Being in what I affectionately call “Guardian
Mode” has its own levels of burning energy.
Maintaining that consistent burn requires a
discipline that very few people have while doing
as much as possible to provide the atmosphere
where the person that needs protecting does
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not have to deal with the everyday stressors
until they are strong enough to re-engage with
the world at large.
Having to maintain that is never an easy task,
and while the adage of “it takes a village to
raise a child” can come into play here, I would
venture to say that a new adage must also ring
true: it takes a network to heal a loved one.
That network, I’m blessed to say, is a host of
different people, both family and extended
family, friends, and associates, as well as the
kindness of strangers, too. Each one has done
their part, directly and indirectly, to help me
be the rock that I need to be for her. Every
message, email, phone call and text serves as a
sustained boost of positive energy and healing
light for her, and me, too. Without that network,
I don’t know that we would have been able to
last this long, and I dare say, we wouldn’t have
been able to continue forward for much longer.
That network has allowed me to be the
protection my Beloved needs to be able to
heal without exerting any more energy than is
needed to do nothing more than heal. For them,
I am grateful and humbled to have them in the
times I have needed them. I will continue to be
grateful for them when we have her out of the
hospital and recuperating at home.
And I will be grateful to have them again … should
the need arise to enlist their collective help to
endure—and conquer—the next challenge.