“ Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance . I just want to praise you ! You broke the chains ; now I can lift my hands and I ’ m gonna praise you !” -- Mary , Mary
“ Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance . I just want to praise you ! You broke the chains ; now I can lift my hands and I ’ m gonna praise you !” -- Mary , Mary
unworthy individual and whatever happened negatively , it was warranted . I drank and partied heavily , attempting to cover the pain I was in . I suffered with depression , had suicidal thoughts , and wasn ’ t the best mother I could be at times . But I had a praying aunt .
I left home , children in tow , at the age of nineteen after we had a huge falling out . My sister and brother-in-law allowed me to stay with them and their large family . I remember staying on the third floor of the house , the three of us in a small , cramped bedroom . No matter . I no longer had to deal with that “ holy roller ” of an aunt again . That sounds horrible , but at that time , it ’ s how I felt . The year that I lived with my sister , I didn ’ t communicate with my aunt in any way . And I kept the girls , who she loved with her everything , away . Yet , her love for me , for us , was unconditional . When I blocked her out of my life , she kept me lifted up in prayer . When I moved into my first place , I had only beds for the kids . She purchased me a bed for my room which was set up when I arrived .
In order to be free , it requires a complete 360 inside and out . Whatever is stopping growth and progress has to be disposed of in whatever way that causes permanent separation . When I did this , life started anew . No , it wasn ’ t an overnight transformation , and there were times when I showed signs of reverting back to old behaviors . It was an uphill battle , but I made it . God has blessed me with a new life . When I titled my first book , To Begin Again , God was working on me and I didn ’ t know it . I was releasing a lot of things that I held inside for a long time ; I was being cleansed .
I honor my aunt , Margaret Black , God rest her soul , for raising me and loving me in her own way . I thank her for forgiving me . She too , had a scarred past , before she gave her life to Christ . This is why ; I understand now , that she went all the way in when it came to serving Him . As a child , she gave me all that she could , protected me , and taught me some valuable lessons that I didn ’ t grasp until many years later .
The hand that was dealt to me in my life molded me into the strong woman that I am today . The journey was mine to take and survive . Sharing my story has been inspiring to those who have read my books , or the articles that I present in this magazine . I want my transparency to give hope to those who need uplifting and encouragement . I want everybody to know that they can be set free , indeed . I thank God for giving me a second chance .
I am unshackled . I am … free !
Christine Pauls a native of Wilmington , Delaware is the author of To Begin Again , Belinda ’ s Song and One Good Thing , her newest release . She penned her first novel in 2012 . The mother of two and grandmother of three is an accountant by day in the banking industry .
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