Naleighna Kai's Literary Cafe Magazine NK Literary Cafe 2018 Mother's Day Issue | Page 77

wedding, attended by both of our families, a celebration that de- creased our bank accounts by $30,000, we separated. Within twelve months we were legally divorced. He’d never stopped loving his wife. The idea that she was jealous of his new bride was all the information he needed to pack his things and head back home to Seattle. He still loved her. I was devastated. But not so devastated that I didn’t send him back home the moment he revealed he still loved her and missed her terribly. We never saw one another again. The little girl in me had lost her playmate. I’d served my purpose. I’d been used to make her jealous and it worked. Why hadn’t I been good enough? Why wasn’t I the chosen one? His actions hurt more than I cared to admit. I could now boast three failed marriages. I had to fight the inclination to deem myself a failure. There were times, however, when that was exactly the way I felt. Could I have been advertising for someone to comfort me? What was I subconsciously or deliberately drawing to myself? Was it my voice, my walk or my countenance that screamed, “Yes, I need you!” My third marriage was over. I’d been blindsided. I was so hurt that I became self-conscious. It was as if there was a cartoon balloon over my head that read, “She’s been married three times. Stay away from her...” I wasn’t looking for love, like, or fun when I ran into a man who seemed to be “a breath of fresh air.” He was a policeman, a bit myste- rious, suave, and quite attractive. The uniform was a bit of a turn-on, too. Of course although I told myself to take it slowly, just the sight of him prompted me to move expeditiously. We began dating. Our relationship was much more casual than the others had been. I reasoned that it was exactly what I needed at the time. “No serious commitment, no emotional attachment,” I told myself. “Just have a good time and enjoy the man’s company. There’s no harm in that.” I did enjoy his company—very much—until I received a phone call from someone who also enjoyed his company...and his bed... and his life...regularly... intimately...and she had her own set of keys. Maybe I should have stayed indoors for a while and hibernated. www.tonyabarbee.com