Naleighna Kai's Literary Cafe Magazine NK LCM February 2018 Anniversary Issue | Page 31

age, especially the teenage years, begin some trying
times. My daughter, who I love dearly, had an outer
body experience two years ago and forgot that “I”
was her mother. I went through several phases
of not liking her very much, but because I loved
her with every fiber of my being, I had to dish
out tough love that she won’t thank me for until
she hits thirty. Washing my hands of the situation
would’ve been easier, but when you love someone,
that means choosing to do what’s best for them,
even when it breaks your heart.
Spousal love. “I take you, for my lawful wife/
husband, to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and health, until death do us part.” These
wedding vows say nothing about loving you on the
days you’re being stubborn and I don’t like you.
Marriage is work; even the most solid marriages
have bumps. How we handle these bumps shows
the depths of our love.
Nine years ago, my husband’s employer went
under. As a result, we lost our home. I was just
returning to work from maternity leave. A new
baby brings new expenses, and the biggest expense
was child care. On paper, we didn’t qualify for any
assistance, but we were drowning. Mortgage, car
notes, household bills, credit card bills, our oldest
daughter’s extracurricular activities, along with the
new baby’s needs. My husband had the foresight to
enroll in real estate school when the possibility of
the company folding was mentioned a few months
prior. During this time, he was stressed beyond
anything I’d ever seen before. His attitude was
funky––yes, I said funky. And he tried to drag our
marriage down a raggedy path.
He felt I was going to leave because he couldn’t
provide. He threw the job, the kids, and the
marriage in one pile of manure and stirred it up. I
was hurt. How could he think so little of me? I wasn’t
materialistic. I wanted us to be okay. Blow the house
to smithereens. I wasn’t married to the house; I was
married to him. We could live in a one-bedroom
apartment until things got better. But I put my
feelings aside, looked past his attitude, and was able
to see things from his point of view.
My hubby operates in black and white. I operate on
the full spectrum, including that gray fuzzy mess in
the middle. It was my job to let him know that I love
all of him; that I support him. That I love the man
he is, and not what he can do for me. I had to teach
him to laugh again and to enjoy the little everyday
things. He had to understand that this hardship
would pass and I wasn’t going anywhere. We were in
it together no matter what. I had to stroke his ego. He
didn’t always make it easy, but I had to look past what
I wanted, to give him what he needed. Ultimately, I
received what I needed when he became whole.
Everyday love choices aren’t that extreme. Most
times, it’s choosing to walk away from an argument
to keep from saying something hurtful. It’s sacrificing
your warmth while sitting in the car in subzero
temperatures letting it run, so your wife doesn’t
have to. Love is serving your man dinner while he’s
working on his laptop; it’s removing his glasses after
he’s fallen asleep so they won’t break. It’s checking in
to let the other person know you’re safe. Right now,
it’s my hubby de-icing the freezer while I write this
article.
Married for twelve years and together for fifteen, we
choose love daily. I believe it’s mutual respect and
kindness for the other’s well-being that has made it
more effortless over the years.
Love is a choice.
NKLC Magazine | 31