model seriously. I had never kept him from his
father or that side of the family. I never wanted
him to be able to say that I was the reason that
his father wasn’t in his life. So whenever he
wanted to visit, I dropped everything and took
him there. Whenever his father finally deemed
his son worthy of a visit (which was very rare),
even if my son happened to be on punishment
(also very rare), he would immediately be off for
that period. Why? Because those weren’t do-over
moments in life and I weighed the importance
of trying to make a point versus having my son
remember that I denied him a visit with his father.
That was not going to fall on me.
Now, here’s why I wrote this article. Not to bash
the man who was barely there, but to bring home
the point to mothers not to interfere with their
child’s need for that presence in their lives. Unless
their father is a danger to a child, there aren’t
too many other reasons to deny your child this
wish. Your personal issues with the father, about
money, not paying child support, etc. doesn’t
matter to your child. What matters is presence.
Yours and his.
Don’t take it personally that you’re doing all the
heavy-lifting, and the other part of the equation
just sweeps in and out at will and holds the same
weight and power that you do. Is it fair? Probably
not, but your child isn’t thinking about fair, they’re
thinking of filling that hole in their heart and soul.
As a woman, you’ve done that, right?