huge , plush , white sectional sofa in the living room , staring out of the picture window of our suburban , two-story home as she made a hollow effort to console me . Ryan stood near the entrance holding a large golden envelope . My mother made no attempt to leave the sofa to match up with the words spoken earlier that she had some place to go . My gaze shifted between my mother , Ryan , and the envelope he held as moisture pooled in the palm of my hands .
“ Mama , I ’ m scared .” The small , fearful voice of a nine-year-old echoed in the cozy room . Sadly , it was my voice .
Ryan opened the rear passenger door . I slid across the warm , plush upholstery to the farthest door behind the front passenger seat . Ryan ’ s smile was warm and kind as he closed the door . My eyes left his and shifted toward the house , willing the uneasy feelings to go away . Peering through the car window , I needed to see if my mother was standing at the door .
The front door closed without her ever stepping into the doorway . I was never much of a crybaby , something my father said made me his “ Big Girl ”. But in that instant , hot tears welled up in my eyes . My heart pounded in my ears as I struggled to hold in the urge to wail . I took a deep breath , my body trembling as though in the beginning stages of convulsions .
Who is Ryan ? Why can ’ t I go to the store with my mama ? Where is Ryan taking me ?
All of these questions and more swirled around in my mind , so much that my head pounded in the same frantic rhythm as my heartbeat .
The dolls splayed across the front lawn were swiftly forgotten . Nina ’ s face , as sad looking as her favorite character Eeyore , was soon swept to the background , replaced by I just wanted my mama . As distant as she was . I just wanted my mama . As mean as she could be . I just wanted my mama . The faster that blue car peeled down the streets of Dearborn , Michigan a harsh reality set it . This might be the last time that I ’ d lay eyes on her again . And it was .
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