perception of the situation . I always use little analogies . When I was a teenager , around 17 , I went through depression . There was an instance at Ikea with my mum and sister and I remember everyone just staring at me . At that time , it was devastating . I came out of Ikea , burst into tears and felt so ugly and disheartened . Then my sister , who is quite a sporty character , sat next to me and said , “ Have you ever thought that maybe they stare at you because your outfit is impeccable , your makeup is gorgeous and what you are wearing is so great ? Maybe they want to know where you got that hat ?”
I ' ve carried those words of wisdom with me ever since . In any given situation , I don ' t always jump to negative conclusions . I did a podcast recently with a host who was herself a disabled woman , and I shared the same story . She went , “ Oh my gosh , really funny ! I was on a train recently , and someone was staring at me , and when I got off , this woman said , “ I ' m sorry . Can I ask you where you got your trainers from ?” So that ' s what it is about ! There are always going to be nasty , rude and arrogant people out there but we have to remind ourselves not to think negatively at first .
Can you tell us more about dating ?
All the issues I have experienced from dating come from my disability and I did not have positive role models when it came to relationships . I ' ve always had a very negative view of men , so that is something that I ' m working on . Regarding my disability , all the non-disabled boyfriends I had when I was younger in high school , they would ask me to keep it a secret from my peers so that they would not have this stigma associated with having a disabled girlfriend .
I ' m incredibly independent but I would love to have someone to be part of my life as a companion , although I don ' t feel I need someone to complete me . And that can be problematic on the dating scene because you ' re going into a world that is very heavily based on steps , intimacy and sex . I ' ve been targeted by predators because of my size , and I had a sexual assault just before the pandemic . Someone weaponized my wheelchair to grope me and refused to get out of my house . I feel my most vulnerable around men and struggle with dating as I ’ ve had my boundaries and trust abused and ignored time and time again . I absolutely have my guard up when it comes to men and dating , but can you blame me ? This is something I ’ m working on because I most certainly do not want to tarnish all men based on a few bad apples , but I ’ ve got quite high standards because I don ' t just need to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship . It ’ s complex . It wouldn ' t surprise me if I met someone who was non-binary or someone who is not so linear in the way of being . I ' m very much a person who sees another person for who they are .
I was committed to helping others , which in turn meant being able to help myself .
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