US ophthalmologist were scheduled to visit the island. My appointment was scheduled April 2020, but unknowingly, Covid-19 had other plans. By that date, our country was shut down, all borders were closed, no flights were coming in or out, and no travelling to anywhere allowed. I therefore lost the opportunity to have my eye surgery done and because of this, about a month later, I lost all vision in my right eye.
It was a tremendously heart wrenching time for me, so devastating that I worried and stressed to such an extend that I had to be hospitalized for three weeks. It was by far the lowest point in my life, and I lost all hope. Through all of my anguish, I kept my faith but I would lie on the hospital bed and ask“ Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I ' m not a bad person, I take care of my family, my responsibilities, I care for and help so many people, I love God, so why did this have to happen to me?.”
I must admit, I lost hope, but with the love, care and encouragement of my mom and family, I was able to see a glimmer of light and started to suppress my negative thoughts. With continuous prayer and positive thoughts I began to accept my fate.
When I got out of the hospital,
I had to make drastic changes in my life based on my now disability. It wasn’ t life as usual for me anymore. I had to resort to living with family as being blind in one eye and the other eye not being 100 % functional meant that I would need assistance. It also meant that I wouldn ' t be able to work as efficiently and effectively at the level that I and my clients were used to. Reality of life soon became my main focus.
I recall the doctors’ visits at the hospital always created mixed feelings for me. I was told yes, I am recovering physically overall, but I would never be able to see out of my right eye again. Every time I heard this, it got me down but I started thinking: " I wasn’ t dead, I was only slowed down. I had life, and with life there are still endless possibilities." Then it dawned on me- I should finish my cookbook. Alas! Here was something positive and meaningful I can focus on while I was lying on my hospital bed.
From the many private chef jobs I did for visitors to my island, I had already started putting recipes together in my mind with the thought that maybe one day I ' d have my own book. Before my partial blindness, I was encouraged by a good friend in Canada to look into publishing a cookbook to capture all of the wonderful dishes I would have created during my career as a chef. So, it was then clear to me what I wanted to do next.
After making all the necessary decisions and adjustments to my life, I was determined to continue with my book and gave myself a deadline to get it completed by early 2021. I put my thoughts together and with the assistance of my loving sister, Amal, who lives on the island of Antigua, I was able to start my book. I would call her daily, give her the recipes, procedures, measurements etc. and she would type them out for me. To Table of Contents
I was challenged by my lack of vision, the daily eye pain and rigors of my new life, but it only motivated me more. With the continued assistance of family and loved ones, I was able to complete my book. It was published and available on Amazon by November 2020.
If you ' re going through a similar situation, once you have life and you can acquire a positive outlook, you can still accomplish your goals and your dreams.