experiences on the mainstream apps were so negative and filled with ableism . I would repeatedly get rejected and even worse , face discrimination . I have been told it would be selfish of me to have biological children , that I was a burden , and that people were surprised that their friend would date someone like me . These horrific experiences eventually led me to believe I was unworthy of love and broken . No one seemed to understand all that I had to offer .
Then , in 2021 , I had to make the tough decision to get a J-tube for my severe case of gastroparesis . While this was a live preserving surgery , my biggest hesitation about doing it was how this would change my dating life . Living in Colorado , people are always looking to participate in physical activities , which meant my first dates mostly involved eating out . But with this feeding tube , I wouldn ’ t be able to eat 3 meals a day as eating brings me lots of pain and vomiting . When Alexa and I discussed how I was going to handle this adjustment , I reiterated my desire to find someone who could understand me — even if the person didn ’ t have identical circumstances , having a broader understanding of chronic illness would help foster a deep romantic bond .
Right then and there , we decided we would create our own app . We began sketching our ideas from my hospital room during my week-long stay and a year later , on October 21 , 2022 , Dateability was released .
What specific challenges or barriers do you believe people with disabilities face when it comes to dating , and how does your app address these challenges ?
A big challenge with disabled dating is disclosure . It can cause a lot of anxiety and it absolutely did for me . I wanted to wait to share until it was relevant because I felt like people needed to earn that information , but sometimes the timing wasn ’ t perfect . I never felt comfortable with when and how I disclosed and it seemed like I was either hiding a big part of myself or revealing too much too soon .
To combat this , we created the Dateability Deets section which is an extensive list of broad terms to describe oneself . People can choose terms like , “ neurodivergent ,” “ permanent medical device ,” and “ chronic pain .” We also include a type in option ! This section really eases users ’ anxiety as they can present the information neutrally . Of course , this section is optional , but we have received great feedback from our users . We don ’ t want our users to be ashamed of their disability or chronic illness and Dateability Deets is our way of combating that stigma .
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