My New Black Magazine - NYU Black Renaissance Noire BRN-FALL-206 ISSUE RELEASE | Page 159

roy:
I might not always understand what
you do, Sara. But I’m always gonna
support it. And I’m not gonna let you
get off easy, either. You talking about
old times right now, but I can see
something in your eyes. What’s going
on? Something’s up.

roy:
Who made you the judge and jury?
You just cleaned me. So, I’m a better
spokesman for what’s true. You know
I love you.

sara:
Why does something have to be up?
Maybe I’m just nostalgic. Maybe I just
wish we could have sex, like how we
used to when we was free to do that,
when things were simpler.

roy:
See? That’s the problem. Your girls
think it’s me. But what kind of woman
says “Don’t say that,” when a man says
“I love you?”

roy:
Then why don’t we?
sara:
Because there are too many reasons
why we shouldn’t.
roy:
I’m a different man now.
sara:
But you’re still living with that woman.
roy:
I’m gonna leave. I told you that already.
That’s done.

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sara:
How you gonna leave all the places
you been, all the women, when that’s
who you are? We ain’t gonna change.
We too stuck on being ourselves.
Whether it’s our memories or right now,
we got too much on us to do it right.

sara:
Don’t say that.

sara:
It’s because I remember the one thing
that pulled us apart, the one time you
did judge me. I’m not sure I can ever
put my guard down with you again.
roy:
You talking about the abortion?
It wasn’t really my choice, was it?
And we were young anyway.
sara:
That’s what you say so we can fuck. But
I know better. I know when the time
came, you saw me as the woman who
refused to have our baby.
roy:
It’s different now. I’m different.
sara:
Why? ‘Cause I cleaned you? You still
horny!

roy:
And what’s wrong with that? You want
it, too. You said so. Just now. Before
you started in on that old shit.
sara:
It ain’t old. It’s right now. I’m always
gonna be that woman you knew from
back in the day, running off with
that fool, married for all of 2 months.
I’m always gonna be that same woman
who wasn’t ready to have your baby.
I felt your judgment in how you
touched me, how you fucked me later.
You got up in the morning, looking
for a better woman.
roy:
I’ve been honest. I can love you and
still be unsure. You know, everybody’s
unsure, whether they admit it or not.
sara:
But that’s only ‘cause you, and
everybody with a mouth ‘round here,
saw my open legs as permission to
condemn me. Never mind how many
sistas’ legs opened for you. And never
mind how many telling you they might
open their legs, if you jump through
this hoop, dance this dance.
roy:
Would you rather I lie? Recite some
vows that somebody put in my mouth.
Promise you shit that I know I can’t
promise. That ain’t real, Sara.