My Life Is Too Dark To See the Light | Page 48

Xiao Ming has not had breast implants but hoped to enlarge her breasts by taking contraceptives: “I heard other girls say taking contraceptives would make your breasts grow, so I bought some. My breasts did grow a bit after I took the medicine, but it made me sleepy and bloated so I stopped taking it.”167 Hormone use can also affect the mental and physical health of transgender people. Lacking the advice and oversight of medical professionals, they suffer more from side effects. Some are compelled to stop taking hormones because the side effects are too severe. Wang Litao took soy isoflavones and “In all of China, there are contraceptives. She says, “Aiya, I felt like I was fewer than ten medical going crazy! I had heart palpitations, dizzy spells, establishments that blurred vision, nausea and fatigue.”168 can provide specialized instructions on hormone Tian Yuyao experienced breast growth after use.160 Public hospitals lack taking hormones, but it affected her health: “I professional knowledge developed a very violent temper. I couldn’t get regarding sex change, hard any more, and it took forever to ejaculate. and are not only unable to The semen I ejaculated was very watery and provide professional advice scant.”169 to transgender people but, Erectile dysfunction is a side effect of hormone use and can increase the risk of HIV infection, as it becomes more difficult to use a condom. Tian according to our interviewees, also often respond with discriminatory attitudes.” Yuyao said, “What bothered me the most was that when I was with the man I love, I couldn’t get hard. I was always limp and couldn’t ejaculate, and this made me really sad.”170 In some cases, erectile dysfunction is never completely reversed, even after stopping medication. When Yuner was taking hormones, “I always felt nauseous, I felt sick every day and couldn’t get a normal erection.” After stopping the medication, “I wasn’t nauseous, but my erections didn’t return to normal 100 percent, only 80 to 90 percent.”171 Transgender women often take hormones incorrectly if they are not under medical 167 Interview with Xiao Ming, Shanghai ,April 29, 2014. 168 Interview with Wang Litao, Beijing, June 4, 2014. 169 Interview with Tian Yuyao, Beijing, April 12, 20 M