My Life Is Too Dark To See the Light | Page 42

masturbation and then you’re finished. It makes a huge difference. The friends “Although transgender sex I hang around with say that once you’re workers do their best to used to making a living this way, you conceal themselves, if they won’t take any more homosexual are discovered, clients can clients.”138 become abusive and refuse to pay...Sex workers’ fears of Lili has a lot of confidence in her technique. arrest and detention render She believes that ordinary men will still come them powerless to defend to her even if they know her identity, because themselves and demand fair she’s more open-minded than the average treatment by clients.” woman: “A lot of guys know we’re trannies and they still want us, because we make them feel comfortable. We’re open to a lot of things that still embarrass the average woman.”139 However, concealing their transgender identity while working is very important for most transgender sex workers. Xiao Zhou claims to have never been discovered by a client: “I keep the lights low and approach my clients from the side. My lights at home are red and even dimmer than a cell phone’s light. And it’s in a corner where there’s basically no light at all.”140 Xiao Shao has a secret weapon: “I wear special underpants that expose my buttocks in back and cover up my jj [sex organ] in front.”141 Although transgender sex workers do their best to conceal themselves, if they are discovered, clients can become abusive and refuse to pay. Xiao Qiang says clients will engage in verbal and physical abuse.142When that happens, the sex worker often tries to patch things up and chooses to compromise. Xiao Bai encountered such a client just a few days before being interviewed: “That client discovered I was a trannie and didn’t want to pay me. He felt it was unacceptable. I just treated it as bad luck. There was no way I could make him pay, because I was at home, and I was afraid that quarreling would cause the client to retaliate, and it would be unsafe.”143 Binbin believes that some clients intentionally use a transgender sex worker’s identity as an excuse not to pay them, but given the illegal nature of sex work, she is powerless to deal with them: “Some men finish and then say they didn’t know [her transgender 138 Interview with Xiaomeng, Beijing, April 20, 2014. 139 Interview with Lili, Shanghai, July 28, 2014. 140 Interview with Xiao Zhou, Beijing, April 29, 2014. 141 Interview with Xiao Shao, Beijing, April 30, 2014. 142 Interview with Xiao Qiang, Beijing, March 20, 2014. 143 Interview with Xiao Bai, Beijing, March 25, 2014. 36