would have brought together all my creative arts and organizational / leadership skills. Although I loved supervising interns, it still wasn’ t my number one passion. I don’ t regret becoming a music therapist, but I still wonder if I would have been happier pursuing something related to theater.
In 1990 I took over as the Music Therapy Clinical Training Director, and I began to revamp the internship program. I made it more structured, and I tweaked almost everything, from the application to session documentation to the final review. I loved this whole process, and everything else about running the program. Between 1990 and 2003 I interviewed, accepted, oriented, mentored, evaluated( even mothered at times) and recommended over 40 interns. It was both a joy and an incredible responsibility. My whole life revolved around the beginnings and endings of internship dates. Of course, I had other job responsibilities, such as supervising the Recreation Department and doing special projects. I also had a bell choir at the Center, but the part of my job I most enjoyed was being the music therapy Clinical Training Director.
I loved watching my interns achieve both their clinical and personal goals. Helping them learn and problem solve was wonderful. Because I devoted so much of my time to the interns( as opposed to being mostly a clinician) I was able to be there any time they needed me and to assist both inside and outside the session rooms. I believe I was a great teacher, supervisor and mentor- this was never an area of conflict for me.
What did create tension for me though was the belief I was personally responsible for promoting and defending music therapy, because of its importance to me. Yet, advocacy caused me stress, and frankly, I didn’ t think I was all that good at it. I was hypervigilant to misrepresentation anywhere in my state, from people claiming to have invented music therapy to opportunities for advocacy based on what I thought should be happening at a facility. While it may sound noble, it almost became obsessive for me. I also experienced guilt, because part of me believed my music therapy training required me to be a clinician until the day I die.
Retirement has freed me from this internal struggle. Having seen countless incredible moments between therapists and clients I still consider music therapy a great profession, and music an amazing therapeutic tool. I hold in memory an early practicum experience with adults in an acute psychiatric setting which blew me away and, more recently, a moment with a person with Alzheimer ' s in a nursing home which truly showed me the power of music. These will live with me forever.
I have come to discover that being a clinician is not my calling. Now I’ ve retired, I have sold many instruments and books to students and other music therapists. I am now happy to answer the question about what I did before I retired, because almost everyone has heard of music therapy, even if they aren ' t sure exactly what it is. I am also looking forward to maybe finding a new way to be a music therapist... maybe writing articles like this. Or maybe not.
Have there been times when you’ ve wondered if music therapy is really your life’ s work? We’ d love to hear about the moments you’ ve felt ambivalent in your relationship with music therapy: musictherapyclinician @ gmail. com / Facebook
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