| Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas Pt.1
where we could go to shoot a gun. And see
Alligators. Sadly Mr Dog-stitches didn’t think it
would be possible to combine the two. I’d had
enough and the snarky barmaid rescued us.
Try this place, she said and wrote down a list
of other places to try: Catbirds, Royal Oak, The
Anvil. Maybe she’d had enough of us.
A cab came, Patrick was the driver, strong
Nigerian accent and loud radio in his Toyota
minivan. The booze, humidity and tiredness
were catching up on me and the Country
music was like a mosquito in my head. The
Norwegian complained, “You don’t like this
rubbish, do you Patrick? Whatever you listen to
at home – play that please”. We got Fela Kuti.
Patrick beamed and he translated some of
the lyrics. One I’d heard before; “water got no
enemy” followed by one of Patrick’s favourites;
“Woman! I’m going to beat you like you’ve
been in an accident!” He laughed and repeated
it in case we missed it. We tipped heavily and
got out quick at Catbirds. A trendy place.
I am not a trendy person, the last time I
tried trendy facial hair I looked like I’d glued
pubes to my face. Not even my own pubes.
A restorative G&T worked wonders for my
mood. The trendy people in Catbirds were
nice. We drank ‘Blonde Bombshell’ from cans
and listened to a DJ play Edith Piaf. The
Norwegian was convinced they were smaller
than average cans and drank twice as many
as me. We decided to walk back to the hotel,
past a tattoo parlour and a creepy clapboard
house with a fortune teller’s sign outside and
an orange Dodge Charger round the back.
There were homeless people with their world
in a shopping trolley. I didn’t want to ask
them about the American dream in case they
thought I was being a smart-arse. No bar at
the Hotel. No minibar in the room. No nightcap.
We checked out of the hotel the following
morning. On a back road to the airport there
was a large rundown shop selling Cowboy
stuff and the Norwegian, a bit brittle from the
night before, decided that the American dream
might be something you wear. The shop was
12 | MotorPunk October 2013