MotorPunk July 2013 | Page 22

An open letter to The FIA

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RE: FIA Standard reference 8856-2000, “protective clothing for automobile drivers”

\r\n\r\nDear Sir / Madam / Frenchperson;\r\n\r\nI write to you to request a number of small amendments to the FIA Standard reference 8856-2000 entitled “protective clothing for automobile drivers” in order that it be relaxed to permit materials that currently do not meet this standard. I have a number of largely sartorial matters requiring clarification, as follows, and would very much appreciate your response.\r\n\r\nUndergarments, see FIA Standard reference 8856-2000, section 5.2. “Undergarments for the lower body shall consist of long underpants extending to ankles. “. I do not see what business it is of yours, Sir, what underpants I am wearing when racing a motorcar but my preference is to heed Colin Chapman; I “simplicate and add lightness” by not wearing any undercrackers at all. Can I ask that the standard be amended to permit driving “au naturel” ? As a footnote to this matter, might I ask how Scrutineers on race day are to inspect for compliance with this standard, without looking like predatory homosexuals?\r\n\r\nSocks, see 8856-2000, section 5.4 “Socks shall be at least to mid-calf”. I am pleased to see that there is a minimum standard regarding sock-coverage, but the omission of sock garters is a concern, without sock garters there is a risk that a sock of mid-calf length will gape and flap like a Dundee Housewife’s flue. Can I ask that this standard be amended to state either at least coverage to the lower knee, and/or to be secured by sock garters? \r\n\r\nGloves, see 8856-2000, section 7.7.2 “As leather shrinks considerably on exposure to flame, it is recommended that its use be limited only to the tactile areas of the hand.” Flame, you say?! What fool smokes as he drives a racing car? A leisurely Pitstop is usually of sufficient duration to fill one’s lungs with the warming fug from