We continued steadily along a fairly good road for most of the morning although the fierce heat was a constant and unwelcome presence . Then , at last , we began climbing the first of two mountain ranges above three thousand metres that we needed to cross before reaching Dushanbe . Near the top of the first pass , we came upon the opening of a tunnel and were waved to a stop by a policeman .
As he walked towards us , I thought Now what ? After pleasantries had been exchanged , he informed us sadly that we were not permitted to proceed through the tunnel . This in sign language , of course - hands gripping handlebars , right hand revving then arms held across his chest in a clearly negating X .
We asked why . I saw our attempt on the Palmir Highway receding once again : Kazakhzstan 3 : Brits
0 . He pointed to some writing engraved in a plaque at the entrance to the tunnel : Motorcycles and bicycles prohibited from entering this tunnel he translated in sign language .
Gareth asked if there was a road around the tunnel , pointing at the surrounding mountains and describing a wide loop with his arm . No , there was no way round . He looked conciliatory and , using his hands , expressively indicated a motorcycle crash , then put his forefinger to his temple and pulled an imaginary trigger . Loose translation : " If I let you two jokers through this tunnel after I have been expressly forbidden to do so ( and , look , it ' s even engraved on stone for all to see ) and you are idiotic enough to have a crash , then I ' m a dead man . I may as well just blow my own brains out because , if I don ' t , someone else surely will ."
As you can see , I have developed a sophisticated understanding of sign language . Why , even before I left on this trip I could see that that stupid idiot , Thamasanqa Jantjie , signing in South Africa during Nelson Mandela ' s memorial service was talking gibberish . And being watched by the whole world - oh , the humiliation of it ! Pity those in charge couldn ' t see it as well .
They should have asked me .
Anyway , we stood around , looking at inconsequential things for a while . It ' s best not to rush these things . After riding for days trying to get round the rock fall , you don ' t just say , " OK " and go home when someone tells you that you ' re not allowed to go through a tunnel . Even if he ' s wearing a uniform . And we weren ' t even going to think of offering a bribe . We waited . He waited .
I got the water out and we had a drink . It was like sucking at the spout of a recently boiled kettle .
When enough time had elapsed for his dignity and authority to remain unblemished , he approached us and , in a low voice , ( in case those who might put a gun to his head might be listening ) muttered , " Just go quickly and no one will notice - you don ' t tell , I won ' t tell - " well , that ' s what his facial expression , conspiritorial tone and hand gestures implied .
We didn ' t need a second invitation ; in seconds we had started our bikes and were heading for the entrance . It was a good tunnel - long and dark but perfectly serviceable - and both of us wondered why they had imposed a restriction .
But it was the second tunnel that was scary , though . And we realised - afterwards - that it was this tunnel we were being protected from , not the first . And only after we had ridden through it did we understand why .
Later , Gareth told me he remembered seeing on the map , somewhere around here , a warning in italics and with exclamation marks ( well , I ' m not so sure about the exclamation marks - but if there weren ' t any , there should have been ) saying : " Dangerous Tunnel !!!!!!!!!!!"