feel like I was drowning in ice water.
Sprawled across the floor, I managed to catch my breath and my
eyes started to clear as the ash I’d stirred up began to settle once again,
unaffected. Light glinted in the air and she looked down on me with
nothing but love. As gently as the ash, she settled in beside me, laying her
head on my chest. My head lolled to the side and I decided this was just
as fine a place as any to be. In fact, I figured, I was better off here with my
own madness than out there with everyone else’s. But I wasn’t with her.
Sure, she was with me but I was still alone.
The wind blew harshly through a shattered pane of the window,
allowing a bit more light into the room which reflected off something
in the closet. It was something metal, I knew instantly, and as I stared
intently at the spot and reality increased in clarity, I realized it was a rifle.
My mind jolted at the thought and I wouldn’t grant myself a second more
to think it over. I jumped to my feet, snatched up the gun, checked the
chamber, and burst through the back door, dropping to my knees in the
deepening ash.
I held the gun in both hands, examining every inch of it. My fingers shakily fondled the trigger. The safety clicked off with the reassuring
sound of seriousness. I engaged the action and the loading mechanisms
did their duty, arming the weapon and readying themselves, falling into
place and collectively holding their breath as I did.
At the last moment, as I felt the cool metal barrel rest against my forehead, I stopped. There, in the only tree that was still standing in the yard,
scoured bare by the winds, was a bright green apple. I flashed back to
that night, as we stood in t