MEET YOUR SEMINARIANS
Frailty , Freedom , and French Fries
Paul Keenan Pre-Theology
Diocese of Lansing
The refectory here at Sacred Heart serves french fries not infrequently . While this is hardly surprising , one thing about their french fry service does stand out as strange : They rarely serve standard french fries . There are steak fries , curly fries , crinkle-cut fries , sweet potato fries , potato wedges , even tater tots , ( admittedly , not a french fry , but a close relative in the friedspud family ). Hardly ever , though , do I see the standard cut , fast-food style french fry , the fry I ’ m used to , the fry I would expect .
It occurs to me that this experience is a silly microcosm of my deeper , spiritual experience since coming to Sacred Heart . That is , just as my standard french fry expectations have been defied and met with a richer , more complex , and varied fried potato experience , so too have my spiritual expectations been defied and met with something more than I was expecting . I came to Sacred Heart feeling fairly confident and comfortable about where I was and where I was going . I already knew what seminary life looked like from the time my brother had spent here ; I had already experienced high-level academics ; I was already in the habit of daily Mass and prayer ; and I had read lots of the books that good Catholics are supposed to read . I thought I had done the hard work in the process of discerning to enter seminary and that once I got there the going would be fairly smooth .
But when I started at Sacred Heart , it was different than I expected ; they weren ’ t just serving the spiritual fare I was used to . Instead , Jesus had prepared something more complex for me , and it was served in the form of challenges . There was the challenge of being a student again after years off , the challenge of adjusting to the demands of community life and our program of formation , and especially , there was the challenge of looking more closely at myself than I ever had and becoming truly vulnerable before God in the deep openness of spiritual direction . Seminary , as it turns out , is hard , harder than I expected . And that ’ s a good thing . Through these challenges , Jesus has revealed to me in a new way the reality of my own weakness and my need to depend on him for everything . At the same time , by bringing me through these challenges , he has also brought me to a deeper awareness of his unfailing support and inexorable love . My new spiritual diet helped me to realize that I had been living all too often according to the lie that I could make myself enough if I did enough . The focus had been on me and my own ability , which led either to pride in success or despondency in failure and pressure the whole time . Jesus came mercifully into this admixture of pride and fear , gently breaking down my walls of self-reliance , and showing me that , while I am unable to be enough on my own , I do not need to be anything on my own . Rather , I can simply be his . And if I am his , I will be everything I desire to be , everything I was created to be , fully myself .
Thus , in the very realization of my frailty , I am finding freedom , freedom from the demand to establish myself , freedom from the fear that I won ’ t ever be enough . For the Lord has already established me , and by his love he establishes me anew every day , bringing me to “ the glorious liberty of the children of God ” ( Rom 8:21 ). I am coming to know in reality that his grace is sufficient for me , and his strength is made perfect in my weakness ( 2 Cor 12:9 ).
Sacred Heart hasn ’ t offered me what I expected , either in the refectory or in my spiritual life . Instead , it has given me much more , more to be nourished by and grow from , and I thank the Lord for it . After all , who doesn ’ t like a good curly fry ?
shms . edu 21