Mastering Dungeon and Dragons: A Poem about Dungeons and Dragons
by Matthew Filipek
The hardest, and best thing to do,
is kill one.
Preferably early on.
So they know what they’re in for.
If you can’t bring yourself
to do it for kicks
(which you really should),
at least do it when they fuck up.
If they moon the king,
stab a guard
or kidnap an aristocrat from
a crowd, kill them slowly.
They will pout
and they will whine as
the axe descends. But that’s
just how the dice fall.
If there’s no risk then
there’s no thrill.
They’ll make a new character and,
honestly, they’ll like that one more.
It’ll make the dragons scarier
and the dungeons look darker.
Quests become important,
and loot invaluable.
Because life is cheap when
scribbled on paper, read
from a book, and decided by dice.
You have to make it matter.
Chandelier by Zeke-Roth Reynolds
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