Breathe, your going to be Okay
just wanted to hide in a corner by myself and I
didn’t want to go to class. My parents would get
regular phone calls cause I was sick and mum
started noticing a difference in me. Everyday I
felt like I was in a box and there was no getting
out of the box unless I was at home. I knew
I couldn’t live at home and with everything
worrying me I stopped eating in the fear I might
get sick if I ate something. My teacher used to
make sure I would eat something even if it were
a biscuit and a sip of water. I started getting
thinner and skinnier by the day and was feeling
tired and dizzy everyday.
Over the next 3 months,
this inspiring 14 year
old from New Zealand,
shares her story about
dealing with anxiety and
the many challenges that
come with it.
The hardest part in the morning is waking
up thinking about everything you are trying
to forget” (unknown) that is something that
happened and sometimes still happens.
Everyday I used to wake up worrying about
stuff that I don’t need to even think about.
When I’m worried or upset I look at myself in
the mirror and see everything that’s wrong. I
don’t look at the good things, I stop and stare
and think I’m just a girl with anxiety, nothing
more and nothing less. Sometimes all I need
is a hug to make me feel happier and to feel
like what you think isn’t always true.
When I was nine years old I got bullied, I
felt like nobody liked me anymore. All the
words and names people called me felt real
and I started doubting myself thinking that
maybe that’s what I am and I just need to
accept it. I felt like the things that they were
saying were true but they weren’t, I found
out “If people are trying to bring you down
it means that you are one above them” I
learnt no matter how much it hurts don’t let
them win everybody’s beautiful and perfect
in their own way. I was lucky to have support
from the school principal and remember him
calling the girls involved into his office and
said “Don’t blow out someone’s candle to
make yours shine brighter” something that
will stay with me. Sometimes you just have
to move on, it might feel like you are going
through a rough storm but just remember
it can’t rain forever. Bullying happens a lot
and is very common but it shouldn’t be like
that, If you see someone getting bullied or
you are the bully you have to put a stop to it,
the victim will be scarred for life and no one
deserves to be bullied. Everyone has a right
to be happy no matter who they are. When I
was bullied I had one friend that would stick
up for me, she held my hand right through
everything although she was friends with the
bully’s, she still stuck by me through some of
my darkest times, you will find out who your
true friends are, they are the ones that stick
with you when everyone else doesn’t.
Later in the year I got a vomiting bug and the
memory and thoughts of being sick were so
powerful that whenever I was feeling sick
I had a fear that I was going to vomit and
“I will survive when the
going gets tough.”
I was taken to the doctors, he couldn’t find
anything and had countless blood tests. The
doctor contacted Waikato Hospital and was
visited at home by two lovely ladies as they
thought I had an eating disorder. I was so
close to anorexia, I was warned, I was scared
and never wanted to be like that. When I
was getting help I sometimes still felt alone,
I felt like nobody was there and everyone
was turning against me but all they wanted
to do was help me. Later on there was no
improvement and they told me I was suffering
from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder)
and Anxiety. Anxiety made me stop doing
the things I enjoyed the most. I loved dancing
it was my favorite thing to do, that’s the only
thing that got me though my rough times and
when I got really sick I ending up getting the
lead in the concert which helped me clear my
head. People couldn’t understand how I could
get up and dance and yet struggled to go to
school. What they didn’t realize is that physical
activity works with anxiety rather than against
it enabling me to do such things. I was in a
different world when I danced. I used to have
countless appointments, I went through really
bad stages and really good stages but it made
me stronger and I started making progress.
After all the appointments I finally could handle
it, my anxiety will never go fully away but I
know how to handle it and I will survive when
the going gets tough.
Brianna